Kissing You
by tatyana82
Summary: AU- You see, in Santana's mind, to try and recover from her kind of obsession, the hardest simple thing to do is to stay away from what's addictive; right now, a kiss from her wife, Brittany, was her hardest simple thing...
1. Kissing  you

**Kissing You.**

**Chapter 1**

Brittany greeted the driver absentmindedly and went inside the elegant town car.

As the drive started, she began to replay the last weeks of her now mess of a life, she looked out the window at the quiet streets of her hometown. Her brain was swimming with constant thoughts of _her_.

When the car turned into an unknown corner, she realized they were driving in the wrong direction... "Excuse me? We're going the wrong way."

When she received no response, she figured it was for the privacy glass that was up, so logically, she pressed a button to lower it and as soon as she looked into the rear-view mirror she saw a pair of very familiar, mischievous dark eyes with long eyelashes and perfectly shaped brows staring back at her blues for a moment. Her mouth dropped to the floor for a second before she regained the ability to breathe again.

"Santana?"

"Hello, Ms. Pierce!"

"Wha-what are you doing?" Brittany gasped.

The brunette took the driver cap off and ruffled her long raven hair, making it flow effortlessly over her shoulders "What do you think I'm doing? I'm driving you to your engagement dinner,"

Brittany huffed at the snarky tone "No, you're not, you're going the other way!"

"Oh! My bad..." She smiled, not turning back.

"Santana, plea-" She was cut off when the glass raised again and she heard a lock noise.

The dark night made it difficult to assess where Santana was taking her and 20 minutes later, or so she thought, they were arriving at a deserted place in front of what it looked like a secluded little chalet... Parking the car, Santana went straight towards the passenger door and opened it for Brittany to step out.

The blonde took in the clothes she was wearing: a form fitting black blazer with a simple breast hugging, button down shirt without the tie that was previously adorning the collar; black slacks on her toned legs and high pumps that made her the same height as the annoyed woman standing in front of her. Santana turned around and walked to the chalet, opening the door for Brittany to step inside.

"If you could stop staring at me for a moment and come inside, please," And as if reading the blonde's mind, she added "And don't worry, this isn't a bachelorette pad, it's a place where I can be alone, that's all you need to know."

Brittany shook out of her minor trance with the commanding tone "You are crazy if you think I'm going to-"

"I'm asking you nicely. I don't want to drag you in and ruin your beautiful dress. So..." She motioned again to the open entrance. The blonde huffed and slammed the car door shut, passing furiously by Santana.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? You do know that there are people waiting for me. _He_ is waiting for me!" Brittany practically yelled with her hands on her hips, walking closer to a calm Santana, who was facing her, reclining against the locked door with her hands on her back.

"Well, if I remember correctly, which I do, you're still married to me. So, excuse me for wanting to spend some quality time with _my_ still wife before she divorces me and goes marry someone else." The brunette spoke evenly, not once losing her temper but her eyes darker and somehow colder than ever.

Brittany paced back and forth, breaking eye contact "What are you doing, Santana? Why are you doing this to me?" She asked in a defeated tone.

Santana just stared at the pacing blonde for a moment before speaking with the same cold tone in her voice "What we had, all we shared, means nothing to you? Are you really going through with this?"

"Yes! We've talked about this before. I told you and you promised, Santana. You would sign them!" She countered now looking at directly at her.

"I know what I said. Are you really in love with him? You never answered me that,"

Brittany sighed deeply and felt some tears welling up in her eyes "Don't do this to me, you have no right-"

Losing it completely, Santana yelled back, fists now clenching at her sides "You left! You fucking left me without a goodbye, without giving me a chance... You did worst to me, Brittany, you held my heart and threw it back at me without warning, so don't say I have no right to do what I want to you, because I do!"

Taking a step back, the blonde quivered at the words but found her own "You never came after me, you knew where I was and never even called," She whispered "We can't keep hurting each other, we need to move on, and we have to, Santana."

"I don't want that. I can't accept that, not tonight," The brunette replied sadly, her voice a little raspier than usual.

"What do you want from me?" She said looking down in a little voice,

The brunette closed her eyes for a moment "You, just you, even if it is just for tonight..." Dark eyes searched the warmth of the blue ones.

Brittany sadly half smiled "San I can't, I can't do that. It's not right,"

Santana knew it wasn't right but a part of her felt the need to do it, she acted on an impulse and jealousy and she had to try "You have no idea how difficult it is for me to know that you're no longer mine, that you have a life without me," She paused to regain the strength in her voice "That someone else kisses you, touches you and makes love to you... And I understand it is so selfish of me but I can't help it. It killed me to think about that every single day you weren't with me, it kills me to know _he_- " Swallowing hard and holding back tears, she continued shaking her head as if clearing her thoughts "I know you love him but what really scares me is you loving him more than you once loved me."

_The strong will never fall_

_But watching stars without You..._

Brittany couldn't speak for she was now silently crying; seeing the strongest woman she'd ever met practically falling apart in front of her was overwhelming and so damn heart-wrenching. Santana was looking down at her own hands, not able to control her tears anymore, emotions pouring with them, the incredible sadness of her voice rang all over the place, breaking Brittany's heart a little more.

"You know, it's funny to think I actually believed that I could be good enough for you. That I could be better for you and make you happy," The brunette looked up and sadly forced a little smile through wet cheeks "How wrong was I…" Tears kept pouring down Brittany's face as she just could shake her head, denying all the things Santana wrongly felt.

With gloomy resignation, she just couldn't stand there anymore "I'm sorry, Britt, I really am, for everything... I'll take you back," She turned around towards the door when she felt a strong hand holding her wrist, turning her back forcefully.

"No." Was all Brittany managed to say at the moment, feeling Santana close to her again, and breathing with difficulty.

"I don't know what I was thinking bringing you here, you don't have to-"

"No…" She repeated

Santana wasn't sure what she meant. She held her breath and watched as Brittany raised shaking hands to caress her face; her long delicate fingers tracing the contours of it, from her forehead easing the worry lines there, following down all along her jaw, her perfect nose and the lips she used to kiss into oblivion.

_Touch me deep_

_Pure and true,_

_Gift to me Forever..._

"You are so beautiful..." Brittany barely whispered as Santana closed her eyes and leaned into the soft touch. She wrapped her arms around Santana's waist and pulled her forward; then she brought her hands up along her arms, cradling her face again. She opened her mouth slightly and kissed pouty lips sweetly, gliding leisurely her pink ones, revelling in the softness the remembered so well...

Santana pulled back for a moment with a wet pop, her breathing erratic "Tell me to stop," Santana groaned "Tell me to stop or I won't be able to control myself anymore."

Locking her blues with darker brown ones, Brittany didn't say a word; instead, she began taking her own clothes. Santana watched every movement, and soon she saw the navy blue strapless dress discarded at their feet along with a pair of silky undergarment. Santana once again, was mesmerized by the sight of that lithe body she used to explore for hours and that she knew by vivid memory. The blonde proceeded to remove her blazer; then, one by one, pale fingers unbuttoned her shirt and the minute said shirt was off, Brittany dove in for another searing kiss. She couldn't stop. Feeling her naked skin against her was too much.

Santana gently walked them backwards towards a bed, sitting Brittany on the edge of it. She looked down at the blonde and without a word, took off her heels and began to slowly unbutton her pants. In a matter of seconds, after discarding her matching thong and bra, she was standing naked in front of Brittany. She intently watched her expression as blue eyes devoured her body.

No one had ever looked at her like that. She could barely contain herself when she reached for Brittany to a standing position and crashed their nakedness together in a consuming embrace. The feeling of Brittany's warm bare body against her own was all she could think of. They kissed franticly, tongues prodding and wet noises filling the room along with quiet little moans. The blonde daringly cupped her full breasts; Santana let out another low moan when Brittany lowered her head and took a darkened nipple into her mouth rolling it with her tongue, sucking lightly.

Dark eyes were tightly closed feeling the increasing wetness between her legs and she reached for Brittany's face to kiss her yet again. Tanned hands glided over taut back muscles, lowering to round buttocks, kneading them tenderly.

They tumbled onto the cool sheets with Santana pressing Brittany against the mattress and between her legs. She took her time squeezing lovingly the pale breasts before her and began rocking her hips into the blonde's, mixing their scent, completely in awe never breaking eye contact. Brittany tugged her bottom lip between her teeth to prevent a loud moan as the weight of Santana undulated above her. Before she could register what was happening, Santana's hand was making her way over her taut stomach to find home between long legs. She heard the deep sigh as tanned fingers made contact with her soaked core. She was so wet, very much so coating the fingers that were stroking her with purpose. She felt the bed shift as Santana straddled her leg.

The brunette's heart was pounding like her own as she could feel it when she placed a hand on the skin covering the precious organ that was hers, her heart. Santana continued her movements with more wet kisses making her arched her back off the bed, when she finally entered her. The middle finger that was inside of her began a calculated rhythm to soon be followed by another digit, revealing how experienced she was when it came to Brittany's sex and how countless times she had experienced the act of pleasuring the writhing woman beneath her.

As their bodies were in sync, they both moved expertly against one another. Santana set a terse rhythm and, as always, by simply reacting to Brittany's gasps and little high-pitch noises. The blonde began moaning Santana's name over and over again when she added another finger and the brunette couldn't remember ever hearing something so beautiful. With both of them coated in a thin layer of sweat; closing her eyes Brittany's hips soon began to buck and grind against her, sending Santana into uncontainable passion. The brunette opened her eyes and stared at her. She could feel her breast and hard nipples gliding against her own.

She stilled her hand for a moment and lowered her head to murmur against Brittany's parted lips "Open your eyes. I want you to look at me when I'm doing this to you, when I'm making love to you," She curled her fingers inside of her to make a point earning a moan "I want you to look at me when you come."

Brittany was overwhelmed with the intimate words and with the deep, aroused tone of Santana's voice. She opened her eyes and Santana covered the blonde's mouth, grazing her lips with her skilled tongue as her hand moved once again."Oh my God! San- Santana…" Brittany was shaking uncontrollably, watching as Santana panted and smiled down at her. Then, she was gone, clinging tightly to the woman on top of her...

Santana couldn't decide if she actually heard Brittany whispered those three words that were like life itself to her, or if it was just a sad twist of her imagination after the third time of frantically lovemaking that had Brittany passed out sprawled on her stomach. She deeply sighed and forced herself to detangle her body from Brittany's backside.

"Santana?" The blonde called for her when she was greeted with the coldness of the pillow next to her, it was still dark in the early morning.

Brittany ran her hand through her very dishevelled blonde hair, inhaling deeply the lingering scent of their bodies and actions that filled the warm room. And that's when she saw it. There, next to her, were the papers with the elegant signature she knew too well and some keys that she later would discover were for the car Santana drove there. She jolted up, sitting in between the mess of sheets and couldn't hold back the sob that escaped her lips.

"Santana!" Brittany cried and called for her again only to be met with a deafening silence.

_Where are you now?_

_Where are you now?_

'_Cause I'm Kissing You_

_I'm Kissing You..._


	2. The man in her life, the girl in his

**Chapter 2**

**The man in her life, the girl in his and in hers.**

The doctors said there was nothing they could do and even though she was young and apparently healthy, it just happened. One moment she fainted on their kitchen, then she fell into a coma, to lastly, stop breathing.

"Papi?" The little girl called timidly for the broken man sitting outside on a hospital bench. She held tightly onto her mother's sister hand, waiting for an answer.

After a few seconds Alejandro Lopez took a deep calming breath and looked up, opening his strong arms for her, waiting for his girl to come inside the embrace he was desperately offering.

An eight year old Santana let go of Holly's hand and on careful little steps she accepted the warm hug and snuggled against his chest. He enveloped her carefully but clinging to her, smelling the familiar scent of gummy bears and a hint of vanilla.

_Can You hold on while I take hold of myself?_

When she heard him sniffling, she took a step back to look at him. With soft little hands, Santana cradled her father's face, examining every single detail, from the black beard that never before she had seen on his features, to the dark eyes that were exactly like her own, filled with unshed tears. He smiled and kissed her nose, tickling her.

"Are you sad because mami is sleeping?" She asked him innocently. He could just nod as a tear escaped down, disappearing on thick hair. She looked down for a moment, furrowing her soft brows before asking again "Is she going to wake up?" Alejandro shook his head, gazing down at the small feet sporting cute purple chucks.

His daughter's eyes now watering too "Is it because of me? I promise I'll be good; I won't pick on Ms. Jameson cat with Baxter again. I promise, really!" The crying man chuckled in between tears at the many memories of Santana chasing the feline along with her loyal hound. He gently hoisted her up to sit her on his knee, kissing her forehead.

He lifted her chin with an index finger and tried to dry her tears with his big thumb, looking into his reflection "No, baby. Of course it isn't because of you. You are the most wonderful daughter we could have asked for, ok? And your mami loves you so very much. You're her favourite gummy bear." He pinched her nose playfully.

"But why won't she wake up?"

Alejandro threw a glance at Holly, who nodded slowly with tears of her own. He took a moment to collect the right words to try and spare the pain of the child as much as he could with the sudden loss of his adored wife and her loving mother.

"You see, baby, because your mami was so good and kind and she wanted to help the whole world... She decided to become an angel so she could help." Alejandro explained with hoarse voice.

Santana thought the words intently "So, she had to die to become one then..." He nodded "But what about us? She won't miss us? She asked pouting.

The strong man nearly broke chocking back more tears "Of course she will, as much as we'll miss her... But even when we can't see her, I can tell you without a doubt that she is going to be right next to you. Forever. You'll keep her here," He gently pressed two fingers to her heart and felt the steady rhythm of it "And here." He grabbed her hand and flattened it against his own grieving one "And she gave me this for you, to keep her close to you too."

Reaching into his pants left pocket, he took the locket that not a few hours ago belonged to his wife Hannah.

Santana's face lit up at the sight of the picture of her mami sweetly touching her little nose with her own. The baby was smiling, making her cute rosy cheeks even rounder "You were such a happy baby, always smiling and laughing, just as your mami... You still are."

The little girl grazed the photo delicately with curious fingers "I'm sad she won't see me grow up…" Her childlike voice quivered.

Alejandro swallowed "She will, baby, through my eyes, she will. I promise."

That made her smile again and look on the other side of the locket; there was another picture, one of her parent's wedding; his father holding her mother from behind, whispering something to her.

"You look so handsome in here," She told him "I like you better without this." She tugged playfully at his growing beard.

"I'll shave then." Alejandro immediately added.

Closing the white gold locket, she read aloud the inscription on one side of it "Los amores de mi vida."

"You know what that means?" He asked, proudly knowing she did.

"Si," She surely replied "Loves of my life…" The dapper man embraced his daughter tightly again, revelling in the solace and comfort he would only find in the little person between his arms. His little person.

"Te amo, hija." He whispered as relieved tears washed over the both of them.

"Te amo, papi." She answered and hugged him as hard as her childish strength allowed...

When it was time to bury her, the gathering of people there was heart-warming and fair witness to the celebrated life of the kindest woman. Richard and Susan Pierce were there. Being neighbours and long time friends, it was a hard blow for the family too.

_Will You be strong while I take hold of myself?_

Santana was standing next to her father, who was trying desperately to concentrate in the little hand he was holding for dear life, on how tiny and fragile it felt enveloped in his huge one.

He thought of his only reason to keep going, to want to keep going and offer her the world between his reach... For a girl her age, the little brunette was sure a strong one, and although silent tears kept pouring down her face, not once she lost her quiet demeanour.

Brittany Pierce let go of her parent's hands and walked gingerly towards Santana as words of resignation and comfort were spoken from an adult. She was a year younger than Santana but already her ultimate partner in crime along with Baxter.

"Don't be sad Tanie, your mommy didn't like it when you cried. I don't like it too." She sweetly said leaning in to kiss both of the tanned wet cheeks and held a single lily to her. The girl shyly smiled and gratefully received it. Brittany took her place next to her and entwined their little fingers, minding the flower in between.

In that moment it was decided the fate of the two little girls when Santana turned her head to face Brittany and asked her "Are you always gonna be here when we grow up?"

"Always. Cross my heart." She replied in a heartbeat with beaming blue eyes and squeezed her hand tightly.

Listening to the innocent exchange, Alejandro witnessed the hope blossoming for his daughter and hence, for himself.

_You're the little thing, My Saving Grace,_

_You're just a little thing, My Saving Grace …_


	3. Everything you are, everything you were

**Chapter 3**

**Everything You are, everything You were.**

_"Hey Britt-Britt, did Papi let you in? The brunette asked as she saw the blonde sitting on the steps of the huge porch with the house door opened behind her._

_"Yeah, he'll be back later tonight." She answered not taking her eyes off the speeding car that dropped her friend._

_"He called me, our dinner it's on the oven. Come on, I want to change my clothes." Santana said, taking her hand and leading her upstairs to her bedroom._

_Brittany, with almost 17 years old at the moment, sat on the bed, watching Santana's every move "Was that Karen Jameson?" She questioned fumbling with the black comforter. Santana kept busy with some make-up remover and hummed her positive answer._

_"Isn't she in College?" She pressed._

_"Well, yeah, actually she's on her way to the airport, just came for a few days for some family thing or something."_

_"Why were you with her?"_

_She started to unbuttoned her shirt absentmindedly, not noticing the depressing tone of the blonde's voice "She saw me arriving from school and, uhm, we went for a drive, you know, to catch up,"_

_With her back to Brittany, she slid the shirt off her shoulders and that's when Brittany saw a bite and a hickey on the right one, close to her neck..._

_Remember all the things we wanted ..._

_An irrational feeling pulsed in her veins and her heart thudded rapidly inside her chest. Without thinking, she lunged forward to where Santana was standing in her bra and short shorts and yanked her arm, forcefully turning her around to face her._

_"Ow! What the fuck, Brittany!" She raised her voice and looked up into fiery blue eyes, seeing in them something different, yet somehow familiar with Brittany standing very closely to her._

_"What were you doing?" The blonde whispered and Santana opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out, she shook her head and huffed._

_"It's none of your concern. Seriously, what's gotten into you?" She tried to walk away but Brittany strong hands kept her in place by the wrist and Santana felt her heartbeats racing by the second,_

_"Britt, let go of me, you're hurting me" She fought back and Brittany had to increase the strength in her clutch._

_"I can't stand it anymore; you have to stop doing this to me. It hurts, San, really bad…" Brittany whispered, softening the hold of her hands and looking down to her feet._

_Santana furrowed her brows, relaxing her posture "Doing what, Britt?"_

_She released one wrist and grazed the mark on her shoulder, locking eyes with Santana "This... Sleeping around, giving yourself to someone else that isn't- that isn't me. I can't..." She trailed._

_Processing the words expressed to her, Santana was speechless and saw tears starting to pour down the bluest eyes she had known. After a minute or two, she raised a hand and tenderly caressed the tears away._

_"Britt, I never thought you- well... I-" the brunette stumble on her words "Is this how you really feel? You have- you have feelings for me?_

_Brittany shook her head._

_"No? Then why are you saying-"_

_Started with the perfect kiss, then we could feel the poison set in ..._

_"I'm in love with you." the blonde blurted and backed Santana against the wall, kissing her with all the passion and need she could convey._

_It felt like the air was sucked out of her lungs and Santana swore her heart stopped for a moment when their lips met in a frantic tangle, tongues dancing against each other with an uncanny familiarity. Brittany's hands were on her waist, squeezing the warm flesh like there was no tomorrow and instinctively Santana's arms were fully enveloping the taller girl, pulling her closer, if that's was even possible..._

_When they reluctantly parted with a wet pop, Brittany pressed her lips to Santana's forehead trying to control her heavy breathing. After a few minutes of silence and still with closed eyes standing on weak knees, Santana was the one to speak first "I was convinced this would never happened,"_

_Brittany smiled widely "Well, I tried to be careful with the leering and to control the not so pretty impulse I felt watching you with those girls... I think I'm not a lesbian though," She finished with a cute serious tone._

_Santana chuckled at this last statement "You're not?"_

_"Nope, I'm only attracted to you and I've never felt the way I feel about you with anyone else before, boy or girl. Does that make sense?" She mused taking Santana's hand again and leading them to sit on the bed, facing each other._

_"It makes sense and actually it is great for me," She winked and Brittany laughed._

_Looking at You makes it harder ..._

_"Do you mean it?"_

_"Yeah, Britt, I mean it. I've realized I was attracted to you a while ago but, you know, got distracted along the way of discovering my sexuality and I didn't want to confuse you or anything…" Santana explained and laced her fingers with pale ones "What now, honey? What do you want to do with this?" She pointed between them "I mean, you know I'm very out and proud since I was 15 but what about you?"_

_Brittany pondered for a moment "Well, first of all, I don't want you to go out with people anymore. Not in the way you've been going out," Santana nodded with a shy smile "I don't think there'll be a problem with us. I'm certain of what I want -I want you by the way- and I'm pretty sure my parents know, apparently I'm not so subtle when it comes to you." Brittany kissed her knuckles, one by one._

_Santana suddenly burst out laughing; earning a quizzical look from the blonde "I really can't believe this is happening... You have no idea of how happy you make me." She practically threw herself at the blonde, kissing her urgently._

_Brittany giggled when Santana released her lips, she grinned and peck her pouty lips sweetly "It took me a while to be brave enough but I finally managed."_

_Fixing her gaze onto the entwined hands, a serious tone laced Santana's voice "I never had a real girlfriend before because no one meant enough to me. No one, Britt. And I want you to be sure of that, ok? I know I've fooled around a lot but when it comes to you, now to us, it means everything." She sighed deeply and kissed her languidly for a long moment._

_"So, I can say I'm your girlfriend now"? The blonde asked timidly between deep breaths._

_Santana gave her another kiss "Yes, baby, you are my girlfriend as I'm yours..."_

_It was sealed with yet another kiss, another breath-taking kiss of many more to come and soon Brittany would realize that it was Santana's favourite thing to do: kiss her over and over again..._

_Now all our memories, they're haunted ... _

"Brittany?" A deep voice brought her back from another memory she long ago pushed way back on her brain. She shook her head, running a hand through soft blonde hair, smiling at the man sitting in front of her on the coffee table.

"I've been calling you for about 5 minutes," He said taking the forgotten book from her lap "Where were you?"

"Nowhere. Just thinking…" She replied calmly, leaning into the rough hand across her cheek.

"About her?"

Her breath hitched discreetly "Yes." She answered sincerely.

He nodded "I figured... I know it's not going to be easy, given the circumstances. Are you sure you don't want me to go to Columbus with you?"

Brittany determinedly shook her head "It will be safer if I just go there alone, for now at least. You can come after I get the divorce papers signed and then we can plan something with my parents."

"I really want to personally ask their permission to marry you; I don't feel comfortable with a simple phone call. My mamma raised me right." He said teasingly making her chuckle.

"I know, and I love you for that." Brittany stated, smiling at the beaming man.

John Prescott was a tall, handsome, discreet lawyer in New York City. With green eyes and dirty blonde hair, the charming man was able to mend Brittany's heart, or so he liked to believe.

Meeting him through mutual friends at a dinner party, John was immediately smitten by the tall dancer and was willing to do everything in his power to won her over. This surprised Brittany herself on how quickly she let go and accepted him for the long run.

_You know that I love You so ..._

She was 24 when she came to the big city, and here she was, 5 years later, engaged to her boyfriend on the celebration of their first year anniversary. She didn't mind it was fast, she didn't mind taking another step forward, and she wanted to do so.

John knew all about her past and understood the reasons the blonde gave him as to why she left everything behind to achieve her own gold, to make something of and for herself without the safety she had her whole life.

She firstly went back to dance school and finished some courses, meeting Mike Chang in the process. And to put it simple without further explanations, combining their talent, they were able to open a dance studio and later on, to produce impressive choreography for a respectable number of off-Broadway musicals.

Brittany knew the damaged she had caused when she left, leaving just an _I'm sorry_ note behind and it was until she met John that she was able to stop thinking constantly about her, to regret leaving her.

Of course Brittany loved him but he was no unrestrained and uninhibited passion; he never stole her kisses, he never woke her up with soft caresses and wordless movements, he never challenged or pushed her stamina, he was calm and easy to manage and he never invaded her thoughts and space the way she did and loved. Almost every night, Brittany used to vividly remember her, how she would always fall asleep with her searing warm body on top of her, underneath her, next to her, holding her, consuming her... Even in that numb state, they would always touch; they would always seek each other.

Only she was able to take, make or break whatever she wanted from her, whenever she wanted and Brittany was painfully aware of that, because she, too, was able to do the same to her... John was everything she wasn't, and Brittany would settle for that.

She prayed for her forgiveness and for the strength to resist the whirlwind of emotions that, knowing Santana, only _she_ was able to cause.

_I love you enough to let you go …_


	4. When you were mine

**Chapter 4**

**When You were Mine.**

Santana was perched on a comfy stool reading lazily the newspaper.

Coffee mug in hand, she skipped through the pages when her father appeared on the kitchen and sat across from her on the breakfast bar. He reached for her mug and took a few sips from it, humming in approval.

The man looked young for a 55 year old and only some scattered grey hairs gave away his aging; he still was as dapper and sturdy as Santana always remembered and he never let the beard grow back since that moment with her outside of the hospital, more than two decades ago.

She smiled without looking at him "You're lucky we're related. I don't understand why you always feel the need to first sip my coffee."

Alejandro chuckled, standing to pour some hot liquid for himself "I'm making sure you prepare it the way I like it…" He said yawning and she smirked.

"Ok, so you're not making sure I don't drink it too strong or sweet, aren't you? You do know that it is my job to take care of you, not the other way around. Your fruit's ready," She pointed to the fridge, both Lopez liked to eat it cold, contrasting the hot drink. He gave her a thumb up and proceeded to settle and share breakfast with his now 30 year old daughter.

After Brittany left, they would always start the day the same way, together in the early mornings and occasionally joined by her cousin Quinn and Holly, her aunt, who moved to Columbus a year after her mother's dead..

_In the morning it comes, Heaven sent a Hurricane …_

Santana still lived on the house by the lake she shared with her still wife; but more than a few nights a week, she would sleep at her old bedroom, secretly finding some sort of comfort at the memories the room held to her; this was the same room where she spent inestimable hours with her blue eyed blonde since they were children, where she first kissed her, where she made love to her, being the first one in her life; the same room where she proposed to her after endless hours of just loving her. It was the same room where she was able to sleep for two days straight after been awake for far too long to be healthy, just sitting on their bedroom wooden floor clutching the simple note tightly after reading the meaningless apology.

Quinn found her the next morning, concerned etched on her beautiful features; and when she saw the empty closet and the crying mess her almost sister was in, it dawned on her; she called both her mother and uncle and the three of them stayed with her until she was too weak to fight back their attempts to talk to her and get her on her feet. Feeling on the verge of passing out, she abruptly stood up and pleaded in a broken voice _"Get me out of here"_ Her father caught her in time and carried her like a child. Back in her old room, Holly and Quinn bathed and dressed her limp self and put her to sleep, with Quinn cuddling with her, offering little comfort given the circumstances...

"You do know where you come from, no?" The mature man countered playfully, motioning between them "Tu y yo. The same. That's why I know you so well." He said, taking a bite of a juicy slice of melon.

Santana smiled wider, chewing happily on her own fruit "As if I could ever forget-" She winked at him.

"Is Quinn taking you to the airport or do you want me to?"

"She's taking me and picking me up when I get back. I'm meeting Anderson first, by the way." Santana said and glanced at the clock on the wall "I've got time to spend with my old man."

Alejandro narrowed her dark eyes "This old man can still beat your butt, so don't push me, woman and make sure Blaine gives you the last contracts so Noah can start the files. Quinn's already managing the accountable."

The explanation earned him an eye roll "I'm going to pretend you said nothing and reassured you I'm on it. I've already took advice from aunt H so you just relax and wait for the loaded results I'll bring you, as I always do... And don't spend too much time at the office." He nodded proudly, seeing so much of him and his wife in Santana.

Under his business savvy tutelage and a top education from Northwestern's Kellogg School of Management, she became the successful entrepreneur woman that took over the family real estate and franchise management business.

"Seriously, you should take a few days off. I know you haven't even gone fishing. Work keeps pouring but you have a great team to rely on. Just take the boat and ask Mr. Pierce to join you, it'll do you good." Santana told her father, holding one of his big hands for emphasis.

He accepted reluctantly "I guess you're right. I can use some days off. I'll set a date with Richard to do the fishing part."

_Not a trace of the sun but I don't even run from rain …_

After a moment, his demeanor turned serious and Santana immediately notice the worried look he was giving her; she was about to ask when Alejandro spoke again "Now that you mention Richard… There's something I want to talk to you about,"

Santana instantly knew "Is it about her? Did she send the papers to her parents? Because if so, I don't want to hear it," She practically growled "If she wants to divorce me then she has to come here and ask me to, not use a third party. I deserve that much, not this cowardly shit she keeps pulling by just sending the damn papers."

Alejandro took a deep breath before explaining to her "Well, I think this time she will ask you herself. I'm certain about that and it's not my place to intervene but I want you to be prepared and know where she stands and where you are,"

"Just tell me what it is…" She demanded, swallowing a growing lump in her throat.

"She's getting married again, baby." He spoke the words carefully, as if trying to avoid the inevitable hurt he knew would cause her.

_Such a beautiful mess, intertwined and overrun …_

_The dimmed light from a bedside lamp provided the soft glow permeating the room. The sun had long set, enveloping the rest of the house with darkness._

_Two bodies stood entangled in the middle of the room; they were kissing languidly, taking their time to explore every inch of warm mouths._

_"Are you sure you want to do this? There's no pressure, you know," Santana asked as they parted to take the much needed air._

_Brittany swallowed and looked deeply into dark eyes "I've been waiting for so long. I have imagined how it would be but I want you to show me for real. I want this, I want you…" She assured her in whispered words._

_Santana understood and softly kissed her again as an answer. She grabbed the hem of Brittany's shirt; the blonde lifted her arms like a reflex and Santana slowly pulled it over her head; then, without breaking eye contact, she glided smooth hands down the warm skin of Brittany lean stomach to reach for the bottom of her denim skirt. When said skirt was discarded, the brunette pulled her against her and nibbled her long, graceful neck._

_Brittany snaked her hands down Santana's back and caressed her ass, forcing her hands inside the short shorts of her girlfriend. Santana smirked into pale skin and unbuttoned her own piece of clothing, discarding it along with her t-shirt. She took a step back to watch when Brittany got rid of her bra and hip-huggers. She stood there in awe at the sight and mirrored the movements to soon be as naked as the woman closely in front of her._

_She felt the smooth touch of Brittany's hands on either side of her face, caressing her cheeks and lips. Brittany kissed her with purpose and Santana's hands found her place resting on the blonde's hips._

_After a while of making out, Brittany felt herself gently being walked backwards towards the bed. Santana had her eyes opened, marvelled at the growing desire she knew they both felt._

_When the back of Brittany's knees hit the mattress, she moved to accommodate herself in the middle of it, graciously lying down with her head in the supple pillow. Santana just stood there, burning every detail of the body before her onto memory. Satisfied with the view, she crawled on top of the exposed blonde._

_"I'll be gentle…" She whispered against her ear and the tone of her voice made Brittany shivered and wetter._

_Two hearts sped up their rhythm. Brittany held her breath as she opened her legs to accommodate the brunette. She licked her lips unconsciously at the feeling of the warm moisture against her own. Santana stared at her and ever-so-slowly pressed her hips down, making Brittany's arms take place around her neck. Tanned fingers ran through silky blonde locks._

_"You feel amazing…" Brittany whispered in awe, feeling the searing weight of the body pressing her to the soft surface. The brunette gave her a sweet smile and kissed her again, hearing a subtle moan when hands explored the sensitive flesh of her pale breasts. Santana explored the blonde's mouth, to then, lick her way down her jaw, to her neck where she nibbled up to her ear as Brittany's raged breathing increased, instinctively rocking her hips to create the delicious friction she needed._

_Santana's mouth descended to feast and suck on rosy nipples while pale hands were lost in raven haired silkiness. Both bodies were starting to moisten with sweat from the erotic entanglement they were in._

_The rocking of her hips increased and quiet grunts and moans started to fill the stillness of the deep purple walls. Pleased with the mouthful of flesh she tasted, Santana made her way up to kiss Brittany, muffling her increasing moans._

_With both hands, Santana stilled the blonde's hips, lifting her own "Open your eyes," She whispered against her lips. Brittany did as told and felt a hand slowly sliding down to her core._

_On pure primal instinct, she pushed her hips up and almost fainted when Santana's fingers started a tortuous rhythm of strokes between her folds... "I can feel how wet you are," She told her, holding her blues._

_Slowly and with the utmost care, reigning in her raw desire of take the blonde hard and fast for a first time, Santana entered her, inch by inch of her middle finger, feeling the clenching of the blonde's inner walls. She stopped the movement when she was knuckle deep and enveloped Brittany's mouth with her own, watching the almost pained expression of the writhing woman underneath her._

_"Feel this, feel me…" She murmured, resuming the movement, in and out of wet heat._

_You feel just like the sun, just like the sun …_

_Within seconds, Brittany was a panting mess and wanting to prolong the experience, Santana talked to her again with raspy voice, trying to catch her attention but at the same time heightening her arousal._

_"How does it feel? Tell me," She asked and Brittany's response was a loud moan "Tell me, baby" Santana asked again._

_"Hot…" The blonde managed to say in a faint breath and whimpered when Santana slid another finger inside of her. The brunette hummed and felt her own arousal dripping between her thighs_

_"What else, tell me, Britt" She purred._

_Brittany made a high pitched noise and pulled Santana closer to her by the neck "Wet, desperate…" She squeaked and Santana increased the speed of her fingers, making wet noises with the liquid heat pouring from the blonde._

_Straddling a leg, Santana vehemently rocked her hips against it, feeling her own desperation. The blonde's moans increased in volume and with each deep thrust, telling Santana she was close. The brunette muffled her sexual noises with a scorching mouth and circled the fleshed jewel with her skilled thumb. Brittany arched her back and cried out Santana's name. The brunette stared at her and continued the frantic friction on her core, feeling closer to her own release._

_"Britt…" She groaned stilling her hand inside the trembling blonde. Santana buried her head in between her breasts, quieting the heady moan when she came too._

_After falling back down on the bed, Brittany ran her hands up and down a sweaty back, smiling contently at the feeling of Santana's fingers still inside of her and the warm dampness on one of her legs._

_With deep shallow breathing, Santana slowly retrieved her fingers, licking the moist skin of Brittany's chest, making her shudder at the sensations. Brittany pulled her to lay completely on top of her and between her legs like they first were and collected the sweat from her forehead with caring long fingers. They shared a lazy smile and she leaned up to kiss Santana, who happily complied and tangled her hands into blonde softness._

_"Thank you... It was better than anything I could've imagined… I love you." Brittany murmured when they parted lips with a slick noise. Santana didn't say anything, she just kissed her again and again until they both surrendered into a peaceful sleep entwined between messy sheets._

_Never mind what I knew, nothing seems to matter now …_

"Santana?" It was heard behind her door with a few gentle knocks. She was abruptly brought back from her reverie. Alejandro insisted when he got no response "Hija? Are you there?"

Running a hand through her long raven locks, she stood up "Si, I'm here... I'm finishing packing"

"Quinn's ready downstairs,"

"Ok, thank you, I'll be right down." She called, still shaken with that particular memory.

Taking a very deep calming breath, she collected her suitcase and handbag and headed on. Quinn parked the black SUV and left her at the airport with the promise of picking her up with Beth, a few days later. She kissed her cousin goodbye and went on her way to Chicago.

_Let the world come rush in ..._

As soon as Brittany stepped outside the plane, she felt the change in the air. Breathing deeply, she was glad for the cleaner atmosphere and a little smile grazed her lips.

She took her time collecting her bags and adjusted her pencil skirt and white buttoned down blouse. Her hair was up in a neat ponytail and she let the sunglasses fall on her nose before stepping out of the airport to hail a cab...

She smelled her unmistakable scent before seeing her and when she felt a gentle tap on her shoulder, she closed her eyes and her heart jumped when she heard the smooth voice she knew too well...

"Took you long enough to come back…" Santana said in a cold tone, void of any emotion before Brittany could turn around to finally face her after 5 years of absence.

_Come down hard,_

_Come crushing ..._


	5. As if You have a choice

**Chapter 5**

**As if You have a Choice.**

She smelled her unmistakable scent before seeing her and when she felt a gentle tap on her shoulder; she closed her eyes and her heart jumped when she heard the smooth voice she knew too well.

"Took you long enough to come back…" Santana said in a cold tone, void of any emotion before Brittany could turn around to finally face her after 5 years of absence.

She lifted her sunglasses to position them on top of her head and with a deep intake of air, the blonde slowly spun around.

"Hello…" She croaked out and the brunette willed her feet with a cautious step back, just nodding to answer the discreet nervous greeting. The usual sound of the coming and going crowd just a faint murmur in their ears as both of them stood there, frozen and silently exchanging apologies, accusations, blames and a feeling of unshielded relief. Relief to finally ask and answer painful questions with a much needed closure.

Noticing the elegant business wear on Santana and the luggage she was gracefully carrying, Brittany was able to form more complete sentences this second time she pronounced words.

"You look nice, as always... You always look nice... Going somewhere?" A little quiver here and there completely gave away the nervous state the blonde was in.

Santana's face remained expressionless, just like a heavy, beautiful stone. Her dark eyes with an unfamiliar coldness "Arriving. Business trip." She said in the same cold monotone she first used.

They just remained in place for a few more excruciating minutes and Santana slowly lowered her aviators down on her chiselled nose, breaking the staring contest and concealing her eyes, making her look a little more commanding with her long raven locks flowing perfectly blow-dried.

Hiding behind the shades, Santana scanned the blonde's body, cursing the fact that it looked impossibly more alluring than she remembered, more trained and mature; somehow fuller but with the softness she loved to trail her hands on... Her goddess-like face and her blue eyes lingered with the same innocent appearance, with the ever changing beauty that never ceased to entrance her.

_I can hardly speak I understand  
>Why you can't raise your voice to say …<em>

Of course, knowing the clogs on the woman's mind; Brittany couldn't help but be pleased with the scrutiny she knew Santana was performing over her "San... We need to talk, so, if you please-" She uttered in a caring but firm tone.

The brunette instantly felt her blood boiling, abruptly coming back from her daze and quickly raised her left hand to prevent the blonde from further talking, harshly interrupting her.

"One. Don't ever call me that again and two, we do need to talk, but it will be when and where I feel like it, on my terms. So don't expect me to instantly jump at your beck and call because you lost that right when you fucking left me, ok. Go home Brittany, and by home I mean your parents house of course; make yourself comfortable and wait just as I did for the last five years." She finished in a level but daunting tone, causing the blonde to flinch as she took a dangerous step forward.

Brittany knew better than to push Santana in that moment. However beautiful and confident, she was tired and Brittany was able to sense it, completely aware of how exhausting her business trips could be. So, she just rubbed her forehead, trying to collect herself and not unleash Santana's short temper into full irate mode by countering what was spoken.

"Do you have a ride? Someone to pick you up? Santana asked abruptly after a few seconds of awkward silence, putting her aviators back on top of her dark hair.

The blonde was beyond confused "No." She simply answered when she noticed Santana looking past her and a warm smile stretched on her full lips, revealing the adorable dimple on a tanned cheek.

"Oh well, I would give you a lift... I could but... I don't want to." She bashfully declared, still looking behind Brittany.

Closing her gorgeous eyes in annoyance for a moment, the blonde tugged her lips in between her teeth when she heard a hushed contemptuous "Welcome back home, wifey…" And Santana practically ran past her.

She turned just in time to observe as the bronze beauty opened her arms and caught a running toddler. The little brown haired girl showered Santana with sloppy kisses and giggled at the tickles and coos she was receiving from the now turn to mush woman. She witnessed the endearing exchange with watering blues, knowing she was no longer the cause of that giddiness, the cause of those smiles. But then again, what to expect after said years of absence?

_Have heart, my dear_

_We're bound to be afraid …_

It was then that she noticed Quinn's presence and gaze drilling into her; the same icy unreadable stare as Santana put on when provoked. After all, they were related; only this one was a hazel shade of disdain... She watched as the other blonde pushed herself off the side of the black vehicle she was leaning in. Quinn smiled at her cousin, kissed her on the cheek and then, dutifully, took care of the brunette's luggage, putting it inside the trunk.

Santana, with giggling child in arms, proceeded to open the back door and gingerly placed the kid on the huge child car seat, buckling her safely to it with practised movements. Quinn was already on the driver's side and started the engine.

Brittany kept watching how loving and sweet Santana acted with Quinn's baby. Because it was Quinn's, right? She was thinking as Santana gave Beth Puckerman sloppy kisses of her own. And when she was finished with the honey treatment, closing the door, she glanced at Brittany poignantly, returning to her cold facade in an instant, before climbing on the passenger's seat.

The awed expression on the blonde's face faded at the unforgiving glimpse "How much hurt I've caused you. Could you ever forgive me?" Brittany muttered sadly to herself as the SUV circled around and speeded away.

_Even if it's just for a few days,  
>Making up for all this mess ...<em>


	6. Looking right through Me

**Chapter 6**

**Looking right through Me.**

"What happened to the missing chuck story?" Santana asked gazing back at the sleeping child. Three year old Beth was pretty much passed out in her car seat.

Quinn glanced at her daughter through the rear-view mirror and chuckled lightly "She was so anxious to see you. She missed you a lot," They heard a tiny snore... "But I guess she's tired, its way past her nappy time."

The brunette gave her a halfway smile and trained her eyes through the window and into the passing nothingness of the outside "Could you drop me off at Hollyday's?" She murmured.

Quinn bobbed her head knowingly "Don't you think it might be better if you sleep her off a little? You must be tired after this trip."

Santana snorted amused "Don't you remember? Last time I tried working or sleeping her off I ended up with so much bottled up inside that I materialized it into endless supplies of beer and whiskey... Literally."

"Fuck! Sure I remember. Obviously it's a memory I had well repressed and something you need not to do again…" Quinn frowned at the various images of Santana rip-roaring drunk, alone in her house, crying, throwing things, breaking too; and the scariest point when a pumping of a stomach was needed. Yes, it was hard.

"Don't worry; I won't do that shit again. I will never try to drink myself to death. I love me too much," She joked to light the sombre mood Quinn suddenly fell in to "But I really could use a drink, you know, numb me a little. Besides, I deserved it after all the hard work I just pulled."

The hazel eyed woman considered it for a moment and trusting Santana, she came up with a better idea "Tell you what. How about I take you home... Rest for a few hours 'til I finish organizing some things at work and offer Noah my sexual favours for him to babysit our daughter and then" Santana chuckled wholeheartedly "You and I can have a much needed wild ladies night... Even if it is at my mother's bar-toy and not wild at all. What do you say?" Quinn asked turning to her when they stopped at a red light.

Santana clicked her tongue "I approve... Although, I think the sexual favours part is just an excuse to sneak a quickie at Puck's desk. Gross, cous." They both laughed out loud after this simple comment, an accurate one at that.

_You, I hear you're doing fine  
>Seems like you're doing well …<em>

"What am I going to do, Q?" Santana asked turning serious again, sadness invaded her features, making Quinn huff at the feeling of helplessness with the clear notion of how deep was the wound.

"I honestly don't know, S... I just want you to try and do what's best for you, even if that means letting her go completely and break your heart a little more, if that's even possible," The blonde reached for a tan hand and squeezed it tightly "But for now, go inside, call your old man and wait for your gorgeous cousin to pick you up for our drink on, all right." She said, kissing the back of her hand for good measure. Santana smiled wiping away a single stray tear and they both exited the vehicle, parked on one side of the lake house.

Unloading the luggage, Quinn knew the aggrieved state of mind her cousin must have been in after such short but painful encounter and before Santana could do anything, she reached for her and hugged her tightly, running her hand through silky blackness; the brunette closed her eyes at the balmy motion and let herself go. She silently cried a few tears, holding onto the blonde for dear life.

"She- It hurts... After all this time... I just wanted to kiss her and hold her but I- I can't, I-..."

She whimpered and Quinn slightly rocked them soothingly, with some tears of her own and whispered clearly, close to her ear "Shh... I know, babe, I know... But maybe- Maybe this is what you need... Break your heart completely so you can pick up the pieces and mend it again. Start over..." She let the words sunk in. After a good minute, Santana snuffled, regaining her composure, feeling a wet kiss on her forehead and an "I'll see you at 7" She nodded and without words thanked the loving support she always received from the hazel eyed blonde in her life.

_How can You just walk on by?_

Brittany stood outside the front door of her house; well, her parents house and hesitate before knocking. Even though she had a key, it felt weird to use it, after all, she didn't leave only Santana; she left behind a whole life full of people who cared for her. Sure, she called and emailed her parents, and they visited her in New York every now and then throughout her time away but that was never enough to fill the void she was very aware her sudden departure had caused around.

So, shaking herself out of such thoughts, she knocked a couple of times, not bothering to try with the annoying buzzer that was there and that Santana always hated.

"Britty!" Susan, her mother and an older green-eyed version of herself, exclaimed joyfully and pulled her into a bone crushing hug before she could utter a proper greeting.

"Ma. Can't. Breathe." Brittany said with difficulty but returning the loving squeezes in equal fervour.

Susan's eyes watered and stepped back to get a better look of her daughter "You look so pretty, sweetheart. But what were you doing knocking, you dummy, this will always be your house, so come on in... Here, I'll help you with this," The older woman stated, grabbing one of her bags not once questioning the reasons as to why Brittany was there, even though she had an idea after John's phone call a few weeks ago to ask for permission to marry their daughter.

"Where's daddy?" She inquired when she noticed the lack of loud TV sounds that was always indication of Richard Pierce presence at that hour in the living room.

Climbing the stairs to her old bedroom, Susan hesitated for an instant to answer "Oh, he's gone for the weekend, uhm, a friend called him yesterday and the two old dogs went fishing with Russell Fabray this morning."

Brittany chuckled at the fleeting awkwardness "Its fine, mom. You can tell he's with Mr. Lopez... Even when you don't say, I understand you kept close to her family. After all, you weren't the ones who left," She said, opening the door to her room, which remained the same, and held infinite memories lingering there. Memories, she, of course, shut down immediately, or so she tried...

The two walked in and set the luggage on a corner "Well, I'm sure you had your reasons and I'm certainly not one to question you, so..." Her mother honestly spoke after rummaging through some drawers on the closet to fix a fresh comforter on the bed "I do have one thing to ask of you" She directed at her daughter, patting the edge of the bed, next to where she sat down... Brittany nodded solemnly, taking her mother's hand with hers.

Breathing deeply, Susan uttered in a gentle tone "Talk to her, sweetheart... I know you've moved on and John it's a fine man but-" She stopped to try and bring together the right words "Just tell her why. You've suffered enough and God knows she did too. You have no idea what a mess that poor child was when it all happened... It took their constant watch to get her on her feet again. I'm not judging you or blaming you because I'm sure you did what you thought right at the moment but I think she deserves a reason, whatever that is."

The blue eyed Pierce swallowed back her tears "That's what I'm here for, closure... It took me too long but I know Santana deserves better and I want-" Her voice broke "I want her not to hate me. I know it's not going to be easy to get her to listen, to understand me but the least I can do is try... I'll find a way."

After giving her a maternal embrace and a kind pat on her back, Susan wiped away hers and her daughter's tears "Well then," She sniffed "I wish you the best of lucks because boy, is that girl stubborn!" She joked to lighten the mood, succeeding when Brittany smiled.

_Maybe that's just Your way  
>of dealing with the pain …<em>

Holly, already acknowledging the draining events of the day for Santana, agreed with her daughter to ensure her a drama-free night at her bar; and this bar was a small, yet comfortable place, a gift from her husband Russell, just for fun and to provide a private English-like pub for the tight family to unwind.

"You know, you seem smarter enough to be working at a bar even when it pays well," Lounging lazily on a high chair, Santana flirted, as she always did, with the redhead bartender "I'm sure Holly wouldn't mind if-"

"Hey, sweet cheeks, stop harassing Michelle!" The elegant blonde chastised her niece, pocking her head out the administration door.

She gulped some beer "Geez, auntie... You're no fun."

Quinn snorted on her vodka tonic "Mature, Lopez, real mature…" She mocked.

"And you, Fabray" She pointed to the hazel eyed woman "hand me your keys, I'm driving your drunk asses when we're done here"

"Oh, man..." This time it was Quinn's turn to whine like a child "I wasn't even going to drink that much" She countered but begrudgingly did as told and gave Holly the keys.

"As if... I swear to God, you're insufferable each time the two of you revert into that unholy tri- duo of high school. Anyways, I'll be in here for a while, so bienvenidas and Love you chicas!" Holly singsonged, walking inside the office.

"Love you too..." They both mumbled like grounded teenage girls, taking a healthy sip from the cool drinks.

The next morning (afternoon really) Santana woke up on her bed, dressed in a tank top and girl briefs and with an expected hangover that was the result from many beers and shots of vodka thanks to her inability to understand and play pool. To her benefit, her black drapes were neatly shut and providing a most welcomed artificial darkness.

Santana swore her head was growing another one and her stomach let her know that something nourishing was needed; so, she turned the lamp on and saw a bottle of water and 2 pills with a note on the bedside table. She smiled when the note informed her she had breakfast/lunch waiting for her in the microwave and downed the pills and the precious liquid in seconds to then set off stumbling in to the kitchen and devour what Holly had prepared, knowing what would make her feel better and cure the minor drunken aftermath.

It was a pleasant night much to Santana's relief; she was able to distract her mind from wandering to a certain blue eyed blonde, laughing at Quinn's daftness and the never ending stories of the elders' youth, including her parents, which Holly marvelled in telling them. And for that, she was grateful.

_So tell Me, what your secret is_

_to letting go, letting go like You did …_

Fresh from a long shower and clad in a simple white tank top and some skinny jeans, Santana was standing barefoot on her high front porch, with her eyes set on the vastness of the lake. She was immersed in the soft murmur of the air cradling the tall trees around when she registered the unmistakable sound of an engine and, out of the corner of her eye, she saw the navy blue sedan of Susan Pierce, parking in between a brand new truck and a Harley.

She waited, calming her thoughts and with steady breathing she heard a car door opened and closed and soon, faint, careful steps on the short stairs, leading to where she was standing.

"Hey," Brittany's low voice rang in her ears and she didn't bother to turn to look at her.

Still with her eyes trained forward, she spoke in a raspier than usual voice "If I were you I'd stay on those steps..."

Brittany frowned, on purpose missing the warning "Why? You have a different Baxter?" She asked, looking around.

"No, Baxter the 3rd left me too. The bitch..." She delivered the first sting "He's with baby Beth" At these last words, her tone rang warmer.

The blonde ignored the ill comment and chose to answer a question that had invaded her mind at the mention of the girl "Is she your- did you-?"

"You saw her at the airport. She's Quinn and Puck's baby," Santana said with heaviness.

"Oh..." Relief washed over her "She's beautiful."

The brunette couldn't help the smile that appeared on her face "Yeah, she is. She just turned three..." _Also, she's as darling as any child we could've had of our own and that you took away when you left._ Santana thought sullenly and refrained from actually saying it, knowing that it was a too wounding blow and a delicate subject to use against.

"What are you doing here, Brittany? I told you what to expect from me yesterday, didn't I?" She questioned, crossing her arms over her ample chest "Or did you not understand a word? Because if so, I can illustrate it…" Sarcasm dripping from her tongue.

Brittany pursed her lips. She was prepared, she expected this Santana, she expected vicious words and the knowledge she was the cause of such barely contained anger and resentment made her heart sink deeper "I heard and understood every word you said, Santana. But I didn't want you to wait longer. We have so much to talk about."

Santana turned to face her and Brittany climbed the last two steps, standing in front of her "How considerate of you, not wanting me to wait longer," She snarled.

"If you please stop attacking me and actually listen-"

Santana smirked "I am not attacking you. If you thought I was going to sit around and wait for you, you're so wrong. I don't want to talk to you now." She shrugged.

"Santana..."

"I specifically told you it was going to be on my terms and you decided to come here, to the house you abandoned and shove some divorce papers in my hands for me to sign because you're marrying someone else?"

Brittany shook her head in extreme anxiety but not at all surprised that Santana already knew "I did not bring any papers now! I wanted to talk to you first and try to-"

A sardonic laugh stopped her sentence "Oh, lucky me, you didn't bring them now... Want to sit and discuss what can you get from me with the separation, then?" Santana was particularly aware that that was impossible, for her still wife never cared about mundane things even when the both of them came from a wealthy background. _I've got air in my lungs, strength in my legs and your heart in mine_ she used to say.

And so, she spoke that just to unnerve the blonde, succeeding when Brittany raised her voice and stepped forward "How can you say that! I would never do such thing and you very well know it. Stop being so childish!"

Santana snapped back, full scream mode "I thought I knew you! And I can say whatever the fuck I want! Now, get your stupid ass out of here!" And with that she turned around to get inside the house with Brittany quickly following her.

_Did you forget the magic?  
>Did you forget the passion?<em>

Having lost her own temper at the particular much hated word directed to her fine body part, Brittany forcefully placed her hands on the door, to prevent Santana from slamming it on her face and with her full body weight; she pushed vehemently, effectively stumbling inside and towards the heaving brunette.

Breathing with difficulty, Brittany was quick to regain her stability when she suddenly felt a rough hold of downy hands on both of her wrists. Next thing she knew, Santana had her on the wall, pressing her body against a taller one and pinning her arms on either side of her face level. The blonde could feel and hear their heavy breathing.

Santana's warm breath enveloping her face, mixing with her own and she distinguished the faint smell of alcohol mingling with the natural enthralling scent of the fiery woman. Her darker than usual eyes boring into blue ones; Brittany tried to escape the rather sweltering hold, arching her body to push but only managed to meld them even more together when Santana pushed back, with her hips and strong arms.

The brunette took pride on the flushed, dishevelled look on the blonde's face and could clearly see the rapidly beating of her pulse point, faintly thudding through the skin of her neck; such bright day light iluminating the room doing nothing to conceal the physical closeness.

The heady air was making Brittany lightheaded, consumed in an unspoken conversation; she was unable to stop her lusty blues from flickering to enticing pouty lips that were slightly open, provoking her…

But you see, in Santana's mind, to try and recover from her kind of obsession, the hardest simple thing to do is to stay away from what's addictive; right now, a kiss was her simple thing. So she, for once and this time, did just that and willed a clouded mind and overloaded senses to act and protect her.

"Don't." She rasped in a hushed, breathless murmur.

_Did you ever miss me?  
>Ever longed to kiss me?<em>


	7. Love is not a victory march

**Chapter 7**

**Love is not a victory march.**

"Don't." She rasped in a hushed, breathless murmur and released her strong hold on the delicate wrists. Santana gulped, apparently recovering her senses and increased the distance between them for the sake of her sanity.

"We'll talk... But, later. Right now I need not to be in here, especially not with you." She declared, looking intently at the blonde "I've forgotten how much I enjoy seeing you all flushed and bothered. That's why you need to go." Santana said, quickly disappearing down a hallway and into one of the rooms downstairs.

Brittany remained motionless, still against the wall. She let out a long breath and shook her head, wondering what the hell had just happened. She felt her heart accelerated beats and put one hand over the skin covered organ, as if trying to calm it.

After a few minutes, still standing in the same place, she heard heavy footsteps and cleared her throat, running her hands through her blonde locks.

Santana was now sporting a flattering leather jacket, with her raven hair perfectly flowing messily around her shoulders and high boots, making Brittany think the woman couldn't look more fascinating.

"The wall it's not going to fall. You can move," The brunette said evenly, already holding the front door open, motioning with a hand for Brittany to step out.

The blonde mutely obliged and heard as Santana locked the door. She carefully followed her down the porch stairs and saw how the lithe brunette gracefully straddled the cushioned seat of the Harley, while grabbing the helmet on the left handle.

"You ride that thing, now." It wasn't a question, just an obvious fact. A fact she didn't like at all, because when she was around, she would never let Santana ride such monstrosity, fearing for her safety.

"Yes, one of the perks of not having you here anymore," She said, fixing her hair onto one shoulder.

Brittany nodded "What's another one? Women, like back in high school? Others to bend and turn as you please?" Her voice was low but challenging.

Santana hummed in amusement "Indeed. You know how I like me some pussy," She answered gladly to spite her, but far from the actual reality.

"Don't be crude, Santana" She admonished.

"Well, you used to love it in between my sheets and you asked, even though you don't have the right to."

They locked eyes for a good minute "When, Santana?" She questioned again and the Latina shrugged before putting the helmet on. Brittany sighed in defeat "Just... Just be careful please."

And with that, Santana backed away and rode off to spend the evening with Beth and Puck, while Quinn fluctuated in and out of consciousness, sprawled on the couch...

_You don't really care for music, do You?_

She was sitting inside her mother's car, replaying the previous events in her troubled mind when her cell phone rang and she answered it unenthusiastically.

"I reckon it didn't go well..." John's voice filled her ears.

"No, it didn't and I don't blame her,"

The man let out a deep breath "I'm sorry to hear that. Must be hard for you,"

Brittany shook her head, it was hard for both of them "Well, I knew she would react this way... I'll just keep pressing. I have time."

"That you have, I'm sure Mike has everything under control. So, no worries there," John cleared her throat discreetly "When do you think you're coming back?"

Brittany rested her head on the wheel "I don't know, in a couple of weeks, maybe. I want to spend time with my parents too."

"Of course, honey. I understand," He paused and half joked a little nervous "You're not having seconds thoughts about us, are you?"

"No." She simply answered, not offering the reassurance he was looking for.

He kept quiet again "All right then, call me when you can, ok. I love you and miss you."

"You too…" Brittany said absentmindedly, inhaling the buzz of Santana's lingering scent in her own clothes and ended the phone call.

_I've been here before  
>I've seen this room and I've walked this floor …<em>

Almost a week had passed and Santana was having breakfast, as usual with her father.

"You know, avoiding the talk isn't going to keep her around forever…" Alejandro informed her in a reprimanding tone, aware of the different times his daughter trash-talked Brittany and practically ran away from her each occasion the blonde looked for her throughout the passing days.

She froze her cereal spoonful midway to her lips "It's not like that, papi,"

"Then what is it, Santana? I didn't raise a coward."

"Papá…" She half warned

"No. I refuse to believe you're incapable of standing in front of her and listen to what she has to say because I'm certain she does have a lot,"

Santana dropped the spoon into the bowl, spilling some droplets of milk in the process "I've waited for five years. She can wait a few days."

Alejandro countered her firmly "Don't give me that shit. You can have some of the blame too. Or do I need to remind you how many times you went over there and spend your days in a hotel room, not once having the courage to actually fight for her."

She dismissed the words that sure cut her deep "Why are you defending her? I didn't leave! Maybe I fucked up a few times but I never fucked off like she did!"

"I am not defending anyone. And it is not my business but I know you and doing this push and pull thing is going to hurt you both deeper. Brittany is like another daughter to me, and while what she did was not fair, she's here now and you have the chance to know, to clarify everything." His tone still serious but reaffirming, reaching across the bar to hold her hand.

The woman took a deep calming breath, slowly processing his words and much to her dismay, she knew he was right.

_Well, it goes like this: The fourth, the fifth,  
>the minor fall and the major lift …<em>

That day, she sent a message to a surprised Brittany, telling her to meet her at a nearby park, wanting to talk to her on safe grounds. The blonde waited for an hour and Santana never came. It wasn't on purpose though, things at the office got complicated but she didn't warn her either and turned off her mobile.

Brittany was standing on the front porch, throwing a handful of small stones one by one into the lake to quell her growing annoyance when she was waiting for Santana to finally make an appearance.

Dressed in a v-neck cardigan and low hip jeans, she heard the distinctive roar of the motorcycle engine and saw the brunette dismounting from the seat, to then grab her briefcase and blazer from the case and climb up the steps, clad in a tight red, long sleeved buttoned down shirt, black slacks and very high heeled pumps.

"I was going to call you," She spoke coolly while unlocking the door "It's been a busy day. We can talk tomorrow. Have a good night." Santana said and immediately went inside, closing the access and leaving a stunned Brittany outside.

Exasperation and anger flew through her veins and started banging on the door, while the satisfied brunette threw her things on the receiver table and took off her shoes, exhaling in relief.

"Santana! Open the door!" Brittany shouted in between bangs and forcefully tried to turn the door handle.

She shouted back "I said we'll talk tomorrow!" Santana said and then, the bangs ceased but heard vigorous, rapid steps around the house.

Santana carefully followed the steps that were leading towards the kitchen and confirmed her suspicion when she saw Brittany through the generous window, already shaking the locked handle. She leaned on the kitchen's door frame and crossed her arms.

Santana was about to smile at the irritated woman when she witnessed Brittany raised her fist and shattered the glass.

"Shit!" Santana hissed at the action and instantly sprinted to open the damn door.

Brittany's hands were shaking and blood was seeping out of her pale knuckles "Are you insane? You hurt yourself…" Santana reprimanded her while walking her towards the sink to pour cold water on the fresh cuts, inspecting it carefully, looking for shards and assessing the damage.

"You wouldn't let me in." She stated as if it weren't the obvious, not quite feeling the wound.

Santana huffed, angry with herself for being so inconsiderate "I'm sorry Britt. It's just that I- It's been- Fuck…" She trailed, drying and cleaning the hand.

"It's ok, I didn't think before doing it."

She sat her down on the table, and ran to get some gauze and bandages. Santana silently took care of the gashes and wrapped the hand after making sure it wasn't serious and in need of stitches. Brittany watched her warily, trying to suppress a coy smile that appeared on her lips when Santana´s furrowed brows indicated her level of concentration.

"Done. I'll take you to the hospital, just to be sure."

Brittany shook her head "It's just a slash. It'll be fine, don't worry."

The brunette just looked at her for a moment, realizing how close she was to her, standing in between her thighs.

_She tied you to her kitchen chair  
>She broke your throne and she cut your hair …<em>

Taking a step back, she balled her fists "Why?" She asked in a defeated tone.

"I don't know." Brittany answered, lowering her face and eyes.

Santana tilted her head "You don't know? Are you serious?"

The blonde worried her bottom lip "I regretted it the minute I landed in New York, but it was too late. I knew you wouldn't forgive me and I- I was so scared-"

"Why?" She asked again.

Brittany exhaled heavily "We were growing apart, I felt so lost-"

"You were pushing me away! I didn't know what I was doing wrong. I didn't know what was wrong... I thought you were upset because of me gone those three weeks on business,"

The blonde shook her head vehemently "You didn't do anything wrong. It was me…"

Santana growled "You barely even talked to me. I understand the insemination wasn't working but I told you, hundreds of times over and over again that I didn't care and you assured me the same. We could've adopted. We could-"

"It wasn't that."

"Then what the fuck was it, Brittany? I wasn't good enough anymore for you? Why didn't you come back if you say you regretted leaving?" Santana was increasingly exasperated.

Brittany hoped off the table "I did come back..."

"What? No... You didn't."

"It took me three months, Santana, to gather the courage and come back for you and you were here…."

The brunette frowned in annoyance "Then why you didn't say something when you saw me? Why?"

"Because you were here, sprawled in the living room couch, reeking of sex, with another woman!"

Santana's jaw dropped, and she remembered those days, when she chose to drink herself to death and fuck around to alleviate the sting of loneliness and failure. "It took you three months to get rid of me, to erase me and not fight for me," Brittany whispered, looking at her.

"Don't try to turn this around on me. What did you expect? I'm not a fucking nun." She defended, not really sure what to say because while Brittany left, she acted on pure impulse and let her down easily, reverting into her old ways of teenage youth, before the love of her life confessed the deepest feelings she had for her gracious, reckless self.

Brittany smiled sadly "I know... You need something warm beneath you, right?"

"You left me!" She yelled "And it's not like you had a hard time away, Broadway, huh? Must be nice," They were now standing closely to each other, challenging each other.

"I had to do something. I'd always revolved around you and I honestly loved it but there," She recalled her new life "after getting on my feet again, I felt I could do something good with all I'd learned while we were in College, well you were..."

Santana pursed her lips "Well, then, congrats…" She said bitterly, remembering their time in Illinois and how she loved getting home to her wife, tired from school but anxious to see her and hear about Brittany's day, every single day.

"You know, for four years, I thought of you constantly. I wondered how you were doing; I missed you, so much…" Brittany's blues watered, a shudder invaded her being when she remembered the hard time she went through without her adored Santana. She vaguely remembered how her mother had to stay with her for months, because she was unable to function on her own.

The brunette's lips quirked into an ironic sneer "And the year left you discovered you preferred dick."

A loud slap stung Santana's left cheek, the inertia of the force making her head turn to the side and Brittany's hand instantly retracted, surprise at her own reaction. Santana took a shaking breath in, tightening her fists on her sides. She spun around, ready to make an escaping route, when Brittany followed her in slow steps and spoke, her voice painfully low and broken.

_Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you ..._

"It worked. The last insemination," Santana's legs stopped and stood, immobile "I was pregnant but I lost our baby."

Santana felt the walls closing in, constricting her chest and making it hard to breathe while Brittany continued the agonizing revelation with fresh tears pouring down her gorgeous features.

"I know the home pregnancy test was negative, but I wasn't feeling well the week you left. I went to the doctor, had some tests and he told me I was already six weeks pregnant…" The brunette managed to turn around and face her and the look in her sad blue eyes broke her too "I was so, so happy. I couldn´t wait to tell you and see your reaction. I had planned everything. I was going to give you a pair of tiny purple chucks, just like the ones you used to wear all the time as children and-" She choked on her words and Santana had to reach for her and catch her crumbling body, holding her together on the floor.

The brunette crying too "You came back home just two days after I bled. The gynaecologist said it was a spontaneous miscarriage and that sometimes happened with a first pregnancy." Brittany sobbed, unable to contain the sorrow those memories brought back. Santana silently cried with her, rocking her in an attempt to calm her.

It felt like an eternity when Brittany's shed tears subside "Britt. Why, love, why didn't you tell me?" She sniffled.

The blonde buried her head in the crook of her neck, stocking in her familiar, comforting scent "I felt so ashamed. I didn't want to disappoint you knowing how much we wanted that baby... I couldn't even look at you"

"That's why you pushed me away." The realization hitting her like a ton of bricks.

Brittany nodded against her shoulder "I was so stupid…"

"Don't say that. You aren't that. You never were and never will." They remained in the same position for a while, Brittany practically sitting on her lap.

"Santana?" She called her name in a small voice.

"Yeah?"

Brittany lifted her head to look into her watered dark eyes "Please... I don't want you to hate me."

"Oh, Brittany... I could never, ever hate you... I love you" Santana confessed wholeheartedly and hugged her snugly, not wanting to let go.

_It´s not a cry that you hear at night,  
>It's not somebody who's seen the light ...<em>


	8. Not what You think

**Chapter 8**

**Not what You think.**

"_Are you grounded?"_

"_No…"_

"_Then why you here alone and sad?"_

_The little brunette shook her head, trying her best not to cry, sitting on the soft grass of the Pierce's garden._

"_Did your tummy hurts? My mommy says is because too much candy. But I don't really believe her Brittany narrowed her blue eyes suspiciously, convinced the sweets couldn't do bad at all._

"_I can't tie my laces and I fall if I step them. I'm a big girl but I don't remember what the bunny ears do to go inside the cave." Santana said with a small pout while their mothers, Hannah and Susan, gazed at the girls' interaction with utter amusement when the little 5 year old blonde dropped her body unceremoniously next to her troubled friend._

"_Oh, it's 'k. I don't remember too. I think the bunny don't like the cave, caves are scawy," She shivered a bit, recalling the movie she accidentally watched that indicated what a cave looked like inside "But I can show you what my daddy tell me to keep 'em tie. Wanna see?"_

_Santana nodded and studied every movement of the small hands on the shoelaces of her beloved chucks. Somehow Brittany managed to adjust them so the chucks could be like slip-on shoes, after a lot of twists and knots._

"'_K…" The blonde wiped her forehead with the back of her hand when she completed the hard work on the laces "We can run to see they don't fall off your foots." Brittany told her, already standing, offering a hand for Santana, who gladly accepted it._

_They both giggled uncontrollably, running around in circles a few times and when they were convinced the trick was correct and securely in place, they stopped, a little out of breath "See, you don't fall anymore." Brittany reassured her and stood on her tiptoes to peck Santana´s nose._

_Hannah was thankful for the cutest blonde girl and her natural ability to appease her daughter and give her back the smiles so easily._

_When harm is done, no Love can be won …_

Brittany heard the words clearly. Santana's voice low and reassuring but she felt the need to stop herself from actually saying out loud what her heart and mind told her, and just increased the force of her arms around the brunette as an answer. Santana understood perfectly.

Neither of them knew for how long they remained there in silence but when the floor felt too cold, they moved to lounge sluggishly on the living room, Santana spread out across the whole length of the couch and with her head on the armrest and Brittany comfortably nested in a recliner chair.

"What are you thinking?"

The brunette let out a deep sigh "On how you went through _that_ alone. You should've told me."

Brittany played with the neat bandage covering her hand "It's just that I- I honestly don't know. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't want to disappoint you."

"But Brittany, you could never disappoint me, it wasn't your fault and you´ve always been there for me. It was the least I could do, be there for you too," She sounded dejected.

"I'm sorry… I really am but I can't take it back. None of what happened" Brittany countered in a small voice.

"You wanted to spare me the pain you were feeling but" She paused, not wanting to make it sound like an accusation "In the end, it hurt us both even more."

Brittany's blue eyes lowered her gaze, filled with tears "I know… And for that, I could never forgive myself"

_My love for you is like a sinking ship …_

Silence fell heavily over them. Santana tore her eyes off Brittany and concentrated them on the wriggling of her toes "Why him. Why a man?"

"He could never remind me of you. He wasn't you and that made it easier for me to push you into the back of my mind," She answered honestly, not missing a beat.

The brunette nodded, a flare of resentment ran through her "Wow, you must've wanted to forget me really hard, was I that bad?"

"It wasn't like that Santana," Brittany immediately replied when she caught the reproachful tone of her voice "My life was practically working to exhaustion and though I achieved what I wanted, there was this void I wasn't able to fulfil..."

Santana tried to bite her tongue but failed miserably "Oh, I'm pretty sure he did right with that. Didn't he?"

The blonde seemed unfazed by her cunning words "He's a good man, Santana. And if you are so worried about how's the sex, don't be. Nothing could ever be the way it was with you." Brittany shrugged the statement they both already knew was true.

"Then don't marry him."

She smiled forlornly "I've hurt enough people for one lifetime,"

Santana tried her best to remain calm and moved into a sitting position "So, you choose to keep hurting me by divorcing me?"

"Have you already forgot and forgave the fact that I left you?"

_And my heart is on that ship out in the ocean …_

Santana pursed her lips and kept quiet, answering the question without speaking. So, instead of keep pressing the sore subject, they swiftly changed topic. Brittany asked Santana about her expanding family, how was Holly doing, Quinn, Beth, everyone; and for her part, Santana learned what she did those years in the big city, avoiding the details and information concerning John.

Alejandro Lopez, of course, was brought into the conversation "He misses you. He never tells but I'm certain he always checks on you with your parents. You should come and have breakfast with him. He'll love that." The brunette revealed with a yawn.

"Yes. I feel awful because I know how much he loved me,"

Santana smiled and reassured her "He still loves you. Just talk to him, he wouldn't mind at all."

Brittany smiled back but turned serious right after "Quinn must hate me..."

She shook her head "You were her best friend too and well, she was here with me the whole time after, you know. But she's the same softy behind that hazel glare. Don't worry, she'll come around if you try," This time they both yawned at the same moment "When are you planning to go back to NY?"

The blonde stiffened her lithe body and ran a hand through her blonde locks "In a week, maybe... You still have to sign, uhm, you know, the papers."

"Oh, yes, of course..." She cleared her throat and swallowed a lump in her throat that appeared without warning.

Another yawn escape their lips "I should go now, it's very late." Brittany informed her but did not attempt to move. Emotionally and physically drained, they slept the dreamless night away...

_When you bend it you can't mend it …_

Brittany faintly registered the sounds of knockings, effectively awaking her from the comfortable slumber. She stood up and stretched her whole body and saw Santana passed out on the couch; she smiled because the woman was a very heavy sleeper and could remain undisturbed throughout anything.

"One minute," She hushed at the person on the other side of the door and quickly went inside a bathroom to freshen up a bit and look presentable at that early hour.

Thinking it was some member of her still family, she opened the door warily, preparing herself for questions and maybe harsh reproaches. But she certainly wasn't expecting the woman standing there, dressed in business wear, very similar to Santana's designer preferences.

"Hey, good morning Brittany. I didn't know you were back." Another blonde with green eyes said with genuine warmness.

"Karen... hi." Brittany awkwardly offered her hand to greet her. The woman gladly accepted the gesture.

"It's been a while. How are you? You look stunning, as usual," Karen Jameson voiced sincerely, trying to locate the last memory of the blue eyed blonde on one of her visits back to Columbus. Karen worked overseas representing an American firm as a legal advisor in Dublin and every few months she travelled back home, on business or pure gratification but mostly on business.

"Uhm, thanks, you too." The awkwardness increased when Brittany just stood there, making no attempt to invite her in or go get Santana.

"Right. Yeah..." She understood the body language "Anyway, I was just dropping by to give San the copy of her contract. Ahm, please, tell her to call me as soon as she has an answer, ok?" She asked, delivering a neat envelope.

Brittany agreed in a monotone "Sure,"

Karen nodded "It was nice seeing you again, Brittany. Take care."

"You too." And with that she closed the door a little more forcefully than intended. She walked towards Santana again, and looked down at her, watching her sleep, oblivious to the world around her and the restlessness that Brittany was trying to suppress. She placed the envelope on the centre table and went to get the folder from her mother's car, containing the divorce papers and put them behind the first set. Brittany hesitated for a moment but kissed her forehead and left.

_And it's only Love ..._

A day later, when he saw Brittany standing on his front door, Alejandro simply embraced her and lifted her off her feet, like he always used to do. He showered her with kisses and not once asked her about the painful events, content with the fact that Santana seemed more at ease and collected, which meant they were trying to be civilized and salvage the relationship, whatever their relationship now was. They shared that long morning together, reacquainting and revelling in the comforting familiarity.

Similar reunion was with Holly, Russell and Noah; no questions, no accusations, just welcoming hugs and kisses. And Quinn, well, let's just say that Quinn took her time to come around, like Santana expressed.

On her third visit to the Puckerman-Fabray home, Quinn was sitting outside with her daughter. Beth looked up to her and extended her little arms, asking her to pick her up.

"Bee!" The little girl surprised Brittany, calling for her gleefully.

She opened her mouth in wonderment and directed an incredulous look at Quinn. The hazel-eyed blonde slowly nodded, motioning for Brittany to oblige at her baby girl request.

"She knows who you are. I made sure of that along with Santana,"

Brittany felt her eyes watering "Hey baby. Hey, Beth... I'm your aunty Bee." She cooed at the girl comfortably resting in her arms.

"Hello Bee-Bee!" Beth welcomed her sweetly and gifted her sloppy kisses, with her small arms around her neck. Brittany snuggled her closer and let a few tears fall from her blues.

Quinn bravely failed to contain her own tears and reached for the woman, resting her head on her shoulder, hugging her tightly and sandwiching her Beth.

"I have missed you, Britt."

"I know. I have too. " They both wept.

_And it's only Love that can break a human being_

Those days ran smoothly. Brittany made sure of calling John every morning and things with Santana were slightly better, understanding that they still had some unsaid things and a lot of pavement to do towards a much needed recovery.

And Santana, Santana kept the folder with the papers, not once checking out the contents; all she knew was that signing them was the ending of something so beautiful, even with the pain and hurt. With her signature she would let go of _her_ completely.

"What the hell was that?" Quinn asked in annoyance.

"What?"

"Oh, come on. _You should tell him to come over, we'd like to meet him" _The blonde mocked and imitated Santana's voice. They were walking over to the parking lot after sharing a coffee and a very weird talk with Brittany.

"I do not sound like that!" She protested.

Quinn stood in front of her, effectively stopping her steps "What are you doing, S?"

Santana rolled her eyes "Well, I've thought a lot about what you said to me after the airport encounter debacle,"

"What did I say? I don't quite remember,"

"Doesn't matter, Q. You're right." Santana patted her shoulder and resumed her walk while Quinn scratched her head and tried to remind her own specific words.

"Shit, I didn't mean that, you know I'm not good with advices and stuff." The blonde spoke while following her.

"Drop it, Q…" She warned.

"It's masochistic, you know that. Besides, what good it would do you meeting him?" Quinn pressed.

Santana hummed calmly, backing away from the spot and out the parking lot "I'm shutting you out now."

"Santana..."

But, no other words came out from the brunette and Quinn knew her mind was set on an encounter with John Prescott, much to Brittany's reluctance.

_Some say the heart is just like a wheel ..._


	9. Sleight of hand

**Chapter 9**

**Sleight of hand.**

"I don't feel comfortable with this," Brittany voiced as she made her way through the airport with John holding her hand.

He let go of her subtly "Oh, I understand," John said apologetically.

"What? Oh, no, no. I meant you, already here when I'm not... Well, while I'm still-"

"It's going to be ok. If it was her idea in the first place, that means something right? Clean slate, moving on," He elaborated when seeing the look of confusion on Brittany's face and the blonde let his words sank in.

"You're right. Maybe she- maybe it's her way to finally move on." She said defeated.

John nodded, holding her hand again and walking towards their ride. They dropped his luggage at his hotel room and proceeded touring Columbus. They agreed that it would be best for him to stay at a hotel, respecting the situation with the brunette and her own parents. Though neither of them protested, Brittany knew they weren't entirely convinced she was doing the right thing; after all, Santana was family and they adored her since they were children.

_See the stone set in your eyes ..._

Santana, being the woman she was, remained unfazed before the event of meeting the man that was going to marry her wife. Funny, isn't it? Truth is, she wanted to know him; seeing Brittany with him would make their situation _very_ real and just what she needed to break her own heart completely, hoping to mend it again. She knew it was going to rain, but still stepped outside.

She developed a strange, different, relationship with her, they would share a cup of coffee here and there, a couple of breakfasts, some quality time with Beth, but at the same time avoiding each other for there were always someone else during their encounters.

The brunette kept herself extremely busy at the office, sealing deals and expanding their business while her father slowly stepped behind his well-oiled machinery.

"What did the old man said?" Noah asked Santana, who was sitting in front of his desk.

She smiled sadly "He said that it was long overdue but that he knew I would accept eventually and of course Quinn and you have his total trust. It is a great opportunity for me, after all."

He nodded slowly "It is. But are you doing it for the right reasons?"

"Papi asked me the same and I'll tell you the same I answered him" She sighed "At this point I can't afford thinking of that. Puck, I'm just trying to keep my mind from losing it entirely,"

Noah pursed his lips and thought for a moment before speaking again "You were always relentless, S. You always had and got what you wanted. What's the difference now? Why are you giving up like this?"

Santana threw her head back, looking at the ceiling "I'm exhausted. For the past five years I've been trying to fall asleep without thinking of her, to be free of her. There's just too much, Puck: I've hurt her, she hurt me. I'm just doing what she wants and if she wants to move forward and marry him, then, that's it."

Noah was leaning on his desk, elbows on it and his face between his large hands "Honestly, I don't understand, it's quite simple to me, you still love her, she still loves you."

"Noah-"

"It's just- You're so darn stubborn but- What the hell, we're here for both of you and Quinn and I will be there with you tonight, as always, no matter what."

"I know and that means a lot, so thank you," She chuckled "But I'll have you know, you're going for his safety, more than anything."

Noah laughed "Yeah, yeah, you chickenshit."

_On a bed of nails She makes me wait …_

Brittany saw her first, gliding through the place and her heart raced, making her blood flow more hastily inside her veins. Santana was wearing a simple yet elegant strapless black dress that ended just above her knees. And the high heeled pumps made her legs look impossibly long... The woman was striking, exuding her unmistakable buoyancy.

Blue eyes followed her every move and for a moment, she forgot about the gallant man next to her. It was then that she noticed a folder in her tanned left hand. Her breathing itched, fearing she had signed the divorce papers and chose to give them to her now, with John present.

Santana politely dismissed the hostess and instead of walking in the direction of their table, she made a beeline towards the bar, where Karen Jameson greeted her effusively and Santana returned the gesture more than willingly. She handed the folder to the green-eyed blonde who smiled brightly and Brittany clenched her jaw when Karen _dared_ to whisper something too close to her ear. It was something extremely amusing because the way Santana threw her head back chuckling was infuriating, at least to the puzzled blue eyes boring into them.

After longer than necessary minutes, ten minutes exactly according to Brittany and her glances at her companion's wrist, Santana finally approached the table on careful steps, with her raven hair framing her delicate and alluring features.

_See the thorn twist in your side …_

John stood up automatically taking a few steps forward when he saw her and smiled nervously "Ms Lopez." He offered his strong hand respectfully.

"Santana. Pleasured to finally meet you Mr Prescott, is it?" The brunette graciously greeted the tall man that somehow was intimidated by the shorter woman. She absorbed his features, his built frame and warm eyes.

"Please, call me John and it's my pleasure,"

"It is. Hi." She plainly directed at the sitting blonde and accepted the courteous gesture of a chair being pulled out for her, mentally cursing the fact that Brittany looked ravishing in a deep purple halter dress, with her hair tied gracefully in a low bun, silky bangs adorning her forehead and even though she couldn't see under the table, just marvelling in the toned arms and the generous cleavage was enough, more than enough to make her tingle.

An awkward silence permeated the atmosphere for a fleeting moment and Brittany decided to break it, not so amiably "Nice of you to finally join us. I thought you would have dinner over there,"

"Of course not, it's uncomfortable." She dismissed the comment and motioned for the waiter to come and ordered a stiff drink for starters, smiling when she saw Quinn and Noah directed to them.

Greetings were exchanged, exquisite food was ordered and somehow they managed to establish a secure conversation and direct harmless questions at the man.

_You gave it all, but I want more ..._

That was until Santana asked what she really wanted to know "How did you two love birds meet?" She voiced nonchalantly, sipping the amber liquid of her drink, looking at the melting ice in it.

Brittany swallowed the spoonful of her dessert with difficulty.

"Well, it's a pretty simple story," John answered carefully after clearing his throat to direct the attention towards him instead of Brittany "Mike was my College roommate and he invited me over to his new apartment for dinner and she happened to be there." He gave the blonde a reassuring smile.

"Oh, love at first sight," Her tone disturbingly calm and sweet.

John cleaned the corner of her mouth with the napkin "We were friends first. She was going through a rough time for so long and I wanted to try and make her happy," The man was sincere and his words had no malice, it was the pure, honest truth.

Quinn and Noah were spectators of an unusual scene with Santana so collected and resigned and a mute observant Brittany, who was trying unsuccessfully to process her behaviour, her plausible performance. Was she truly letting go? Was that her way to say goodbye? She would later find out.

"I know the feeling. She has a beautiful smile." Santana looked directly at the bluest eyes with serene dark ones.

"So, College you said. Where did you attend to? This is a Bulldog, my Ivy Quinn," He winked at his wife "and I'm a Wildcat, like Santana here..." Noah's effort to lead the conversation to safer grounds succeeded.

_My hands are tied, my body bruised …_

A good amount of small talk and a few needed joint laughs later, Santana excused herself. She was on a vestibule, waiting for the restroom.

"You are a very brave woman... Or too obstinate,"

She frowned and turned her head to face the person "Either one or the other, it's working in your favour, don't you agree?" The brunette questioned back squarely.

John take a step forward and tucked his hands inside his pants pockets "I'm aware that I'm not what you were to her. What you mean to her" Santana crossed her arms "and I'll probably never be... But you see, I accept that because I love her and I'm willing to take what she has to-" He corrected "what she can offer me, even if it is just a little piece of her,"

"Why are you telling me this?"

His tone was soothing and truthful "Like you, she suffered too and" _If_ "when we get married, then you won't be able to do anything, I won't allow it. And I'm not going to let her go." _Not like you are. _He wanted to add but refrained from doing so. And with that, he went back to his seat next to a disconcerted blonde.

Santana wanted to hate him, but she couldn't because much to her dismay, he deserved Brittany and Brittany was right. He was indeed a good man.

_She's got me with nothing to win …_

After Puckerman sneaked off and signed the receipt, paying for the bill, the group was out the stylish restaurant waiting for their vehicles.

"Thank you so much, I really enjoyed this evening," John directed to no one in particular, and felt a gentle, thankful squeeze.

Light farewells exchanged, Brittany accepted Santana extended hand and felt as if her body acted on its own when she pulled a reluctant brunette to her and held on tightly, closing her eyes. Few second later, she felt a sweet, lingering kiss on her temple "Tomorrow you'll have them signed." Santana whispered and released their arms, ignoring the subtle, curious eyes on them.

"_That_ went well..." Quinn exhaled, watching the pair drive away.

Santana tried and half-joked "No shit, Q."

"So auntie Tanie, Home or..." Puckerman asked raising his brows and kissing Quinn's shoulder.

"Like hell I'm going to sleep tonight. We can pretend and celebrate I already gave Karen my contract."

"Oh, so you're-"Quinn confirmed what she suspected.

"Yes, I am."

_And nothing left to lose..._


	10. Along the railings and the fences

**Chapter 10**

**Along the railings and the fences.**

_Maybe it was an hour, maybe it was two... The thing is she didn't care; she could spend the rest of her life just looking at her.  
><em>

_Santana always revelled in the intimacy she was able to share with Brittany, knowing it was a exceptional connection, a rare kind of love binding them in a way that could never be explained, that could never be described._

_It was summer break and they were back home from Evanston where they lived together after Brittany finished high school, almost three years ago and now, Santana was Laying there, in the warmth of her bed, beside the woman that could make her weak with just a smile. She shuffled closer and with her index finger traced her fair eyebrows, her nose that scrunched up adorably at the lightest touch._

_"Britt," She whispered, leaning closer to her ear "Baby wake up," She pecked her slightly parted pink lips and with the utmost delicacy trailed her hand down Brittany's side, tickling just below her ribs "Babe, wake up" She glided her lips over her warm cheek._

_The blonde hummed and instantly smiled, blindly scooting even closer and draping her arm around Santana's waist, snuggling into her and burying her face in her neck and raven smoothness._

_"Will you marry me? Will you be my wife?" The brunette spoke in a velvety murmur, tracing her fingertips along the soft skin of her back, between her shoulder blades._

_Brittany inhaled deeply and Santana felt the lips on her skin, spreading into what she knew was a __gorgeous, addictive smile._

_"Yes." She said with a heartfelt chuckle and lifted her head to languidly kiss Santana's swollen lips, still tasting their combined scent on them "It was yes before you'd even asked. It was always yes, Santana…"_

_After one too many, I know that I'll never …_

"Hello?" Brittany answered her loudly buzzing mobile phone groggily.

"Hey, Britt," A raspy voice was heard with a barely audible background of music and chattering.

"Santana?"

She nodded albeit Brittany couldn't see her.

"Santana, are you ok? Where are you? She asked switching on the lamp and sitting on the bed with a worried frown.

"A little drunk Fabray birdie told me" She giggled "Dinner with your parents tomorrow; limo and everything, huh?" The blonde remained silent "I'm not interrupting something, am I?" The slurring of some letters gave away the slight alcoholic intoxication she was in.

"He's staying at a hotel," A pause "Santana, you're not riding around on your bike, are you? Where are Quinn and Puck?"

"Oh no, no bike or car when drinks. We're at Holly's days. Ya´know, celebrating"

She let out a sigh of relief "What are you celebrating?"

Santana snorted her words "Your engagement and my… stuff,"

"Ok."

Silence... and then "Are you in love with him?" Santana asked, hardly audible.

Brittany closed her eyes "I- I love him. He's-"

"A good man, I know," Santana completed her sentence "Well, then, I'll sign. Promise." And with that she hung up before the blonde could utter a single syllable.

_Only they can see where this is gonna end …_

Brittany couldn't sleep after that, a million thoughts floated around in her mind. John invited her to a nice diner for breakfast and being his normal charming self only fuelled her confusion and her increasing anxiety... She must be so hangover she thought and it made her miserable to know that maybe she was the cause of that because deep down inside she refused to believe that Santana didn't care anymore and that was giving up, that was willing to give up.

But then again, she was scared to admit it. Hurting people was never her intention, and that's what all people say, but does it anyways...

"Just go," Richard Pierce told her in hushed tone.

"What? Where?"

Her father chuckled "I know you're already there, honey. And it's ok, you're worried. Go on, I'll have lunch with him, you know, father to... nice man talk"

"It's just- I- I just want to see if she's ok, that's all."

And before she knew it, she was standing on Santana's front door. She knocked knowing Holly was there when she saw her truck and in effect, the woman opened the door...

"She's out at least 'til three,"

Brittany pouted "That bad, huh?

Holly shook her head vehemently "She's a big girl. She drank because she wanted too. Besides, they all had a good time. So don't worry."

"This is such a mess. And I'm totally guilty of it."

The older woman tilted her head "There are two in an us, baby blue. And Santana knows it." Brittany huffed, burying her face in her hands "Hey, Bee, you ain't divorced yet. Yes, no matter what, you'll always end up hurting someone. So? That's life and whether is my niece or Johnny boy, they'll survive. The only thing you have to do is make up your beautiful mind and decide what do you want, or you will hurt yourself even worse and complete with nothing but regrets. Think about it." Holly honestly voiced and caressed her cheek tenderly.

Brittany smiled sadly "Can I see her?"

_If I'm face to face then She'll come to her senses …_

Brittany made her way up the stairs, but when she opened the door and stepped inside what it used to be their bedroom, Santana wasn't there; the furniture was all covered, it was clean though but seemed not lived in anymore, the entire upstairs floor was the same.

"Where's Santana?" She asked warily, rushing down again.

"Oh, she's in the room in front of the stairs, that's her room now."

Brittany gulped "Since when?"

"Right after it." Holly answered softly.

It had a heavy alcohol undertone but Brittany could make out the distinctive Santana scent.

On careful steps illuminated by the open door, she reached the bed and saw her spread out on her stomach, breathing peacefully. She sat next to her, and traced her blues all over her silhouette; the strong muscles on her naked back, the curve where it ended and the dimples she knew were there but that now were concealed with her maroon sheets.

With a wandering hand, she tucked behind a cute little ear some stranded raven locks that were hiding part of her face. After tracing the outline of her chiselled nose, she placed her thumb on the corner of her puckered lips "You can't even sleep in our bed. I understand why, San and you have no idea how sorry I am for that."

Brittany sat there, contemplating her a few more minutes before making her way out again to proceed with her weakening plans.

_I can change Your mind, turn it all around …_

The usual headache, luckily, was absent and replaced by an immense thirst instead. Santana dragged her steps to put some lose tank top and boxers on and walked sluggishly towards the kitchen to complete the established aftermath of her now rare drunken nights.

However, Holly's note was different and it made her mind work faster with each word _"By the way, that wife of yours was here just to make sure you were ok. Thought you'd like to know, sweet cheeks."_ It wasn't a dream as Santana had thought, she really was there, sitting beside her.

On hasty feet and after a lot of swearing in Spanish against the thing, she finally located it. She called every rental service on the phone book until she found the one...

"Yes, on behalf of Mr. John Prescott," She gave the addresses to confirm and the reluctant manager agreed to what she wanted "No, no cancelation. Just a slight change - He's providing the driver, we need only the car - Yes, it doesn't matter - Same fare – Ok, I'll be picking it up ... Yes, Miss Holliday, Hannah Holliday." And with her mother's name and after some flirting and begging because apparently her wallet, and hence driver's license was stolen a few hours ago, she did what she had to do and that her battered heart demanded her to.

"Can I borrow a hat?" She smiled mischievously when the manager handed her the keys.

_I'm smiling but I'm dying trying not to drag my feet …_

Brittany was absentmindedly brushing her blonde locks, fixing them onto one pale shoulder. She was trying to appease her thoughts, trying not to think too much... She had to make a choice, and at the moment the pressure was constricting her chest.

John insisted on the whole chivalrous act of have a car and a driver just for her. The idea was that he would pick her up and meet the Pierces to officially ask for her hand in marriage and have a nice dinner in a nice restaurant, to then drive through the city.

And if Brittany would have indeed remembered that part and paid little attention to her surroundings, she would have found strange not having John waiting for her; she would have noticed the driver's lips, the dark eyes and the body that was all too much smouldering to belong to other than her wife.

"Santana?"

"Hello, Miss Pierce"

"Wha-what are you doing?" Brittany gasped but tried her best to suppress a tiny smile that tugged at her lips.

The brunette took the driver hat off and ruffled her long raven hair, making it flow effortlessly over her shoulders "What do you think I'm doing? I'm driving you to your engagement dinner."

Brittany huffed at the snarky tone "No, you're not, you're going the other way!"

"Oh! My bad." She smiled not turning around.

_I wanted words but all I heard was nothing …_

Santana couldn't decide if she actually heard Brittany whisper those three words that were like life itself to her, or if it was just a sad twist of her imagination after the third time of frantically love making that had Brittany passed out sprawled on her stomach. She deeply sighed and forced herself to detangle her body from Brittany's backside.

She lay on her back for a moment and when she rolled to face the sleeping blonde, she saw a wet cheek and tears brimming her eyelashes. She frowned and felt the stinging of her own watering eyes, thinking how selfish she's acted, taking something from the blonde that no longer belonged to her and that was given out of guilt although willingly.

"Santana?" The blonde called for her when she was greeted with the coldness of the pillow next to her, it was still dark in the early morning.

Brittany ran her hand through her very dishevelled blonde hair, inhaling deeply the lingering scent of their bodies and actions that filled the warm room. And that's when she saw it.

There, next to her, were the papers with the elegant signature she knew too well and some keys that she later would discover were for the car Santana drove there.

She jolted up, sitting in between the mess of sheets and couldn't hold back the sob that escaped her lips.

"Santana!" Brittany cried and called for her again only to be met with a deafening silence.

_They all think I'm crazy but to Me it's perfect sense ..._

Quinn picked her up to take her to the airport. Santana was a dark shadow in the morning light after an intense talk with her father. Quinn didn't know what was going on through her troubled being.

"I thought your contract started in three weeks,"

"Yeah, well. I've decided it's better off this way," She answered, looking out the window with heavy heart "I'll send you an e-mail with some details and specifications later. Here," She left the case with her laptop at her feet on the passenger's floor "It's all in here, it's the only folder on the desktop. I've already given Noah a heads up on the accounts a few days ago and my assistant will help you. There shouldn't be a problem."

"But-"

"I appreciated the support; I know it's a lot to work on but nothing you guys can't manage and if you need anything just call me or e-mail me, ok."

Tears were rolling down Quinn's gloomy face "San-" Her voiced trembled

"My father is going to take care of the house and everything else and just please, just drive." Santana's voice rough with her suppressed cry.

Quinn swallowed the lump in her throat and did what it was asked.

_'Cause I'm shouting Your name all over town …_

Brittany's bare feet rushed out of the car and flew up the stairs; she shook the locked handle once and ran again towards the kitchen back door.

"Santana!" She all but screamed, slamming the door open effectively startling Quinn, who sprayed the mouthful of coffee she was about to drink. The shorter blonde had returned there just to feel closer to her cousin again... and to turn off the coffee maker in the process of her sadness.

"Shit, Britt," She said, walking towards the napkins "What are you doing here?"

"Where is she? Where's Santana?" She asked like an insane person, walking hastily through the hallway and into the dark bedroom "Santana!" She cried for her again.

Quinn grabbed her by an arm "Hey, hey Britt, calm down... She's not here-"

She turned around "What do you mean she's not here? Where is she, Quinn, where!"

"I- I dropped her at the- the airport" She swallowed hard "Like two hours ago,"

"What? Why?" Brittany asked breathlessly and Quinn let go of her arm.

"She's already flying to New York; she caught the first plane, Bee," The hazel-eyed blonde voice trembled.

"No no no!" She started to cry harder "I- I don't know what happened, I woke up and didn't know where I was and got lost and we- we made love Q, and I felt her. I felt her heart, Quinn," Her tone broke and felt a pair of arms holding her to calm the wrecked woman she was at that instant.

"I need to go to New York; she has to listen to me... I fell asleep and when I woke up she wasn't- she wasn't there and left- she left the divorce papers signed." She sniffled into Quinn's shoulder.

It dawned on Quinn like a cold bucket of ice and understood Santana's ominous behaviour.

"Oh, that silly cousin of mine... Brittany, she's not staying in New York, she's connecting there to some place in Ireland. She accepted a job offer."

Brittany shook her head vehemently, tears flowing from her blues "I don't care, I'll go there and stay with her. I have to, Quinn, I need her."

The Fabray blonde smiled through her tears "Come on then, we'll book you the next flight possible. Go get your things and I'll pick you up as soon as I have everything set, all right? I'll try to contact that stubborn ass too,"

Brittany chuckled "She's my stubborn ass, mine," And they both laughed.

Quinn hugged her tightly again "She is."

_Sometimes Love is intoxicating..._


	11. How it feels to let You go

**Chapter 11**

**How it feels to let You go.**

Susan Pierce was sipping on her coffee when she saw her daughter stepped out of the town car with heels and keys on her hand and a much ripped set of papers on the other one. Her blues looked tired but she still managed a certain energy she could tell by Brittany's body movements.

"I was expecting you to remerge later this evening or maybe tomorrow," She said surprised to see her that soon, knowing Brittany's ways with her wife, after John explained the subject of a Hannah Holliday changing his request and picking up his rental.

Brittany chuckled tiredly "Yeah, I thought so too but I'm flying to New York and wherever I have to,"

"What?" Susan asked deeply confused.

Brittany inhaled deeply "I don't know. The only thing I know is that Santana is not here with me after last night and that I have to see her because I need her and she needs me and I love her, mom."

Susan agreed although confused "John told us last night. He still went to have dinner with us,"

This surprised Brittany "Are you going to talk to him?" Susan asked.

"Yes, I will." She said firmly, stepping inside her house and immediately plugged her abandoned mobile when she was in her room. Brittany received a message when she turned it on _Your flight takes off at 1pm, it's the nearest one... Pick you up at 11._

After reading it, she called Quinn and agreed to make the necessary stop before the airport...

_Nobody's lost but nobody wins …_

John opened the door tiredly and smiled at her the same way "I understand," Was the first thing he could say when he saw her standing before him, not inviting her in.

She bit her bottom lip for a moment "I can't say I'm sorry because I'm not, as selfish as it sounds," He nodded "But I thank you so much and I'm grateful for the time you gave me. I only can wish for you to find someone who loves you the way you deserve."

He sighed after a moment "I knew, Brittany. I've always known. She was always with you, she'll always be. I could feel it the few times you gave me the chance to actually be with you. I know you tried..." His eyes welled up and cleared his throat to continue "You gave your heart away a long time ago and I was blind to think I could have a piece of it. You never said it but I knew; you couldn't even wear the ring I gave to you and its ok. It's ok Brittany."

"Thank you, John." Was the only thing she could answer him through tears because he spoke what it was the truth all along.

He brushed some tears off her cheek with a thumb and kissed her forehead, saying goodbye. Agreeing she'd donate the ring or its value to a good cause, that piece of her life was completed and stored.

The one, the most vital piece remained incomplete and she prayed that not for long.

"Voicemail." She said after hanging up for the 30th time in those waiting hours.

Quinn huffed "I know, for what she told me, she's practically switching planes the minute she sets foot,"

"She's already on her way and I'm still stuck in here. I hate airports!"

_You'll make her so happy... You always have. Be careful, ok and call us as soon as you land. _Alejandro said and pecked her nose lovingly. After everyone said their goodbyes and wished her good luck.

Brittany was sitting with Quinn and Puck, waiting anxiously. Puck was on Santana's laptop, he pursed his lips "Shit!" They both looked at him "It seems you'll have to fly to Cork and then take the train or bus from there. There's no available direct flight to Dublin,"

Brittany nodded "I'll walk or run there, it doesn't matter. I can't wait to see her." She repeated.

"I figured you wouldn't want to wait until tomorrow morning. I'll book you this one, then." He spoke while clicking and typing "You'll be boarding tonight at 22:50. The info is in your email, print your pass and you'll be all set."

"I'll find out where she is staying at. She wouldn't tell me and I doubt she'll be answering our mails or calls anytime soon," Quinn said standing as it was time for Brittany to proceed with the annoying registration and airport security.

"Thank you so much, guys. This means the world to me," She smiled and hugged them at the same time, squeezing them together.

"It's nothing Bee. You better get that woman of yours." Puck said plating a kiss to a now wet cheek.

She laughed "Of course. I'll chase her; I'll tie her if I have too."

Quinn was brushing her tears away "Oh, she'd like that" They shared a heartfelt laugh, hoping it would be the case in a consent kind of way.

_Now these years locked in my drawer …_

_"Tell me again,"_

_Santana rolled her eyes "You already know it."_

_"Uh huh," She kissed a tan shoulder, biting the skin playfully, sitting against the headboard, with Santana in between her legs, back against Brittany's front "But I love hearing it, every time... It will never get old,"_

_"You just like knowing the effect you have over me." Santana countered, her voice dropped a few octaves while Brittany kept exploring her warm skin._

_"It's the same you have over me. Tell me again Santana. What's your favourite thing to do to me?" She nibbled her neck, earning a soft purr from pouty lips._

_"Kissing you." Santana conceded and turned her head to share a languid, wet kiss with her wife to make her words count for good measure._

_Brittany asked again with growing flushed cheeks and neck "Mmm, kissing me? Why? Tell me,"_

_Santana kissed her again and released pink, swollen lips with a soft slick noise "Because I love you and I love the way you taste. I love how your mouth feels and the way your tongue moves around mine, inside my mouth, grazing, licking my lips too," Their foreheads were leaning together and Brittany shuddered at the low tone of the velvety voice, humming in the process. She could feel her hot breath against her face._

_Santana grazed her lips on Brittany's "It feels warm, heady and for me, it's addictive." Brittany moaned softly when the tip of Santana's tongue ran along her lower lip._

_"Santana..." The blonde breathed out, very much lost into the woman's eyes and lips and kissed her yet again with unhindered want and need, her fingers buried on her black, slightly damped from sweat, hair._

_Santana gently laid her down and covered her lithe body with her searing mocha skin, parting long legs tenderly to nest in between them. Ungluing glistening lips for breath, Santana rolled her hips and smiled lovingly at Brittany._

_"Kissing you is my favourite thing to do and now," She groaned when pale hands squeezed her rounded ass cheeks, pressing her desperately into the other woman's core "Now I'm going to show what else I love doing to you, baby." She murmured hotly to her ear._

_Watching through my own light as it tints the shade of you …_

Santana was staring at the bluest sky and the clouds rumbling lazily all over it. Some shades of it colour made her painfully remember her eyes, the blue eyes that haunted her dreams and that used to tell her things without actual words. One look from those eyes was enough to make her happy, to make her sad, to make her crave.

She wondered how it was possible for her to feel so lost and broken when the sun was illuminating her way, warm and comforting, but it couldn't do anything to alleviate her pain and soothe her soul and shattered heart. A deep, strangled sigh made her realize she was crying, her tears were silently pouring down her gorgeous face. The feeling was the same when she left and somehow it was worse because now, for Santana, it was all over, all of her happiness was gone. The hot blood running in her veins indicated she was alive when she felt already dying and the knowledge she wouldn't see her, hear her voice, touch her anymore was enough to break her completely without a chance to heal.

Gone was the laughter, the caresses, the furtive looks, the stolen glances and kisses... Her kisses. And so, like a dull shadow she kept unsuccessfully trying to block her out of her mind.

_Landed_ was the simple message Quinn and her father read and Santana ignored the constant buzzing that followed after she sent it.

She numbly hailed a taxi and registered at the Hotel her new firm established on her contract as a temporary accommodation and fell on the bed with heaviness, breathing in her absence and the melancholy surrounding the spacious room. She stared blankly at a random spot on the ceiling, afraid to close her eyes and think of her; no matter her exhaustion, sleep was not an option.

_No more memories of us, no more, please..._ was her last thought before shutting down her mind.

_So, I've learned the meaning of the sun …_

Not so different story was Brittany, who kept thinking that the hours were passing painstakingly slow. When she arrived to New York, she went to her apartment, took a long shower and cried, shaking with contained sobs.

She calmed down after what it seemed forever and called Mike to set some things. She lay on her bed for a good hour, trying to sleep but failed. She decided to grab her light luggage and waited for her still hours away flight at the airport over a cold, forgotten coffee.

Soaring through the darkness, she was sure that gloom shade suited both hearts at the moment. Brittany understood. She understood the pain Santana must have felt when she left because that helplessness was consuming her now too. Brittany could only imagine the hurt, and could only hope for a chance to heal her broken heart.

She would do anything, anything to have her back and be able to remind her every single day that she loved her profoundly and share countless memories, old and brand new ones.

_"If you please just stop scratching and wriggling. You're going to hurt yourself further,"_

_The brunette complained, hiding it quickly "But Britt-Britt…"_

_Brittany suppressed a smile "No buts, San; give me the fork,"_

_"But it itches!" She whined and handed her the item._

_"You're such a big baby," The blonde disappeared into the bathroom and came back with her blow dryer, setting it on the cool mode "Here…" She said with Santana casted foot on her legs, blowing the soothing air into it._

_Santana sighed in relief "I am not a big baby," She pouted adorably._

_"Yes you are, but you're my big baby." Brittany giggled and kissed her better..._

The blonde couldn't help the teary chuckle that escaped her. It was indeed a lifetime spent with that woman, a woman so worthy. A woman with the most mysterious eyes that always drew her in, with the perfect defined cheekbones, with the most kissable, soft lips; a woman that smelled as enthralling as her presence.

A woman that was hers and hers alone, Brittany belonged to Santana and Santana belonged to Brittany, there was no other way, there'll never be other way.

_Fill these spaces up with days …_

Santana finally pressed the green button after several rings, irritated at the insisting caller.

"Glad to hear you too Santana," Quinn said evenly, she remained silent "You're not answering the texts or mails we've been sending you. We're worried,"

She huffed "I've been away only for five days Quinn, I'm fine." Her voice groggy and tired.

"Santana, where are you?" The blonde questioned after unsuccessfully trying to find her at the hotels all over Dublin. She tried contacting Karen Jameson but the woman didn't even know Santana was already in Ireland.

"You know where I am,"

Quinn cleared her throat "Listen, Brittany's-"

The line went dead... Quinn rubbed her forehead and refrained from calling again; fearing Santana would turn off the cell-phone after being able to contact her and hear her.

Apart from the void texts she's been sending telling them just that she was all right and calm, there was nothing else. Of course that was a blatant lie but they needed not to know that she was spending sleepless nights in her hotel suite and just wandering around, having Irish beer here and there and barely eating. It was her mourning process, she said.

Instead, Quinn called Brittany, who was now staying at a hotel, nearby the train station that took her from Cork to Dublin...

To say that Brittany was exhausted was an understatement, the jet lag was still at its full effect, she too, wandered around Dublin hoping to find her and the anxiety she was feeling not knowing where Santana was staying, was killing her.

_I can't sleep, I can't speak to You …_

"What?" Santana snapped, mentally slapping herself for not turning off her phone that pleasant summer evening, alone with cold black stuff poured in a slightly tulip shaped pint glass.

A quiet voice made her heart dropped in her chest "San? Where are you?" Brittany all but pleaded, fresh tears forming in her eyes "Where are you? I'm-"

"Don't do this to me, please," Santana closed her eyes, feeling a wave of emotions hitting her at once "Please, help me to let go Britt... I can't anymore, I can't." She hung up and tossed the phone at her feet, leaving Brittany to cry at the broken tone of the grave voice, sounding so rough and vulnerable at the same time.

Something inside of her clicked and the hypothetical light bulb bright her sorrowed mind. Sniffling, she looked online for information about the hotels near the Temple Bar area, figuring Santana had been drinking by the sound of her voice and her way of talking.

Quinn and Noah had no luck searching for a Santana Lopez, so, she tried something different and bolted out of the place, dragging her luggage's wheels, when her perspicacity and the well knowledge of Santana's mind works did the trick.

"All right, Mrs. Lopez, here's your card key," A tall man standing behind the Conrad's front desk told her, handing said item to an eager Brittany.

"Thank you. Excuse me, would you happen to know where Miss Holliday is at the moment?"

He appeared to give it a deep thought "She's brunette, very black hair, tan skin, defined cheekbones, full pouty lips and cute button nose," The blonde described dreamily.

"Aye, fierce beautiful lady with sad eyes," He elaborated "No Mrs. Lopez but I can deliver a message when she returns,"

The blonde shook her head "It's ok. I'll wait for her." She replied with a hint of a smile and the man nodded politely, welcoming her.

Brittany practically ran to her suite and threw her bags inside, quickly making her way to the bathroom to wash her face. Then, she hurried through a couple of floors and sat at the Business Suite door the man indicated Santana was staying at.

And she waited; she waited for her love and her heart to come back.

_I'll open to see just to be sure ..._

Three hours later, Brittany saw her, walking heavily and erratically towards her... She stood up instantly, holding her breath and heard her singing lowly "_I'm fine, baby, ho're you... I miss you, you know…_" She giggled "Stupid song," Santana stumbled gracefully, reaching for her key inside her low hip jeans back pocket.

Santana shook her head and blinked several times to try and focus her vision. She thought it was a dream, a painful daydream or an alcohol induced reality.

"Britt," She croaked, stepping closer on careful feet.

"I'm here baby." Brittany spoke softly, crying in relief for finally seeing her again and sadness for been the cause of the obvious aching of Santana's broken being.

Santana reached for her as a curious child. She cradled her face and trailed her fingers over her nose, her lips and with her thumbs; she caressed away the pouring tears.

"It's not dream, it's not a dream," She said to herself "You're really here." Her face lighting up in amazement.

"I am." Brittany smiled and lunged forward, wanting to merge with her Santana in a tight embrace.

_You can go you can stay ..._


	12. Words only You would hear

**Chapter 12**

**Words only You would hear.**

Brittany held her securely, burying her face in the crook of her neck, with her arms around her back- Crying seemed like a normal thing to do those days. With her hands placed on Brittany's shaking shoulders, Santana just closed her eyes, consoling her inebriated mind and trying to discern whether it was indeed Brittany who was there, wanting to take away her pain or if it was just some sort of cruel figment of her imagination.

The brunette, with the little consciousness left, decided to let it be. She didn't know what was happening, let alone react or speak in her current foggy haze after touching her angelic face.

_I lost My heart, I lost My mind …_

After what it seemed like an eternity, Brittany gingerly held one of Santana's hands and searched for the card key. Stepping inside the dimly illuminated suite, she led the erratic steps of the brunette through the living area and into the bedroom. While Santana watched her every move with fatigued eyes, Brittany carefully undressed her, just leaving her in underwear; then she sat her on the bed and kneeled in front of her, focusing her attention on her blue eyes with a soft hand on a tan cheek.

"Sleep?" Brittany asked first, Santana shook her head twice "Shower?" She offered then, knowing it always made her feel better before climbing into bed. Santana nodded once and Brittany helped her to her feet to guide her to the bathroom. It wasn't that Santana couldn't do it by herself; her drunken state was still a few more drinks away from that condition and she would never let herself reach for it. It proved to be too dangerous in the past.

Leaning mutely against the large double sink, she saw how Brittany took her own clothes off in front of her. Completely naked, the blonde discarded Santana of the remaining undergarments and she just keep idly watching everything when Brittany turned on the shower and set a pleasant temperature.

Brittany washed hers and Santana's body devotedly while the brunette had her arms extended with her palms flat on the wall, supporting her bronzed frame.

With her head down, the water cascaded all the way down her scalp, along tan back and legs. She registered pale arms rounding her waist caringly and a chaste, lingering kiss to her shoulder. A couple of big fluffy towels did the job and Brittany quickly half blow-dried raven and blonde locks.

Santana stood there, motionless and before she knew it, the blonde had dressed her in hip huggers and a purple Wildcats old shirt. Brittany chose a pair of girls boxer shorts and one of Santana's button down loose shirts that was discarded on a chair, convinced the cotton fabric enveloped in her scent would ease her sleep along with her arms around the woman.

Brittany led them again towards the bed; Santana climbed tiredly over it and turned on her side, like a ghost pulling Brittany's arm; the blonde smiled and spooned her, sighing simultaneously in contentment before drifting off to a restless slumber.

_I can't take one more sleepless night …_

Not enough hours later, a sober Santana opened her eyes warily and confirmed her vision –slash- dream with the arm draped around her waist, the warm steady breathing on her neck and the body behind her, clinging into her back.

As cautious as she could, guided by the diffused light permeating the suite in the midnight, she slowly disentangled from Brittany and stood beside the bed, watching her sleep in her clothes for a few minutes to reconfirm her presence. _How, when c_ame to Santana's mind before gulping the bottle of water that was on the night table and made a beeline towards the bathroom.

Brittany's blues fluttered lazily for a few seconds before completely awaking them, immediately registering the absent of Santana; she stretched her tired body and heard light footsteps on the other room. She lowered her feet gracefully to the floor and directed them too, towards the bathroom. Brittany took her time freshening up and with confidence she strode out of the bedroom, validating her point of locking the door.

_I can't rest, I can't fight …_

Santana probably felt like a caged panther and quietly was trying to escape, again.

The blonde tilted her head, leaning next to the threshold that separated the areas "Stop running away from me." She demanded softly.

With her back to her, barefoot and still clad in her sleep attire, Santana reversed in a murmur "Open it."

Brittany shook her head against the sill "No."

"Open it or I'll call the front desk,"

"And tell them what? That your wife locked you inside because she wants to be with you?"

Santana turned around and pressed her back against the door "You're not my wife. Not anymore."

"Yes, I am."

She chuckled ironically "The papers you gave me say otherwise,"

Brittany gulped "You mean the papers you signed to run away after we made love for hours and that I ripped in pieces and burned?"

The brunette rubbed her forehead "What do you want from me, Brittany?" She said mirroring the blonde's words from that night.

"We are still married. I am your wife as you are mine and I'm not letting go, Santana, not this time," Brittany informed calmly but with emphasis in some of her words.

"I can't do this anymore." She huffed and rushed past her and into the bedroom, searching for a pair of jeans.

The blonde followed each move "Why are you fighting this? You're miserable without me and I know it because I am the same without you," Santana laughed ironically, zipping on her jeans and locked eyes with the woman.

_I can't look, I'm so blind …_

"That's my reason Britt," The blonde frowned and Santana sighed in defeat "This is what I was afraid of… This, what I've felt when you left and those five years were the reason why I didn't dare to tell you first how in love with you I was back in high school," She sat on the bed, looking down at her hands on her lap "I went to New York, I went after you, countless times I spent my days there."

Brittany asked in disbelief "Why you didn't do anything if you were already there? Why?"

Santana shrugged "I was afraid of the rejection, you had left me for a reason, after all. And when you started your career I saw how much I'd held you back. You were doing just fine without me, I was afraid you'd realized that."

The blonde walked closer and sat on the bed, sideways in front of her "I was so happy with you. How can you even think that? I decided to go to Evanston with you because I wanted to."

Santana looked away and Brittany turned her face again, looking deeply into dark chocolate.

"Listen to me carefully Santana: I did what I wanted and it's not like I didn't attend to dance school there. I loved it, every minute of it and I was lucky enough to share those days with you, to share everything with you,"

"You went there because of me," Santana obstinately countered.

"Yes and I would have followed you to New Haven or L.A. It doesn't make a difference because I just wanted to be with you. I wasn't one for College, I'm not one for offices and desks either but I got to dance just as good as in any other place," Santana kept quiet and Brittany held her hands in between hers "We are lucky because we got to do what we wanted. We were blessed Santana, we married our soul mates."

_I can't erase, so I'll take blame …_

A few moments of silence and then "I can't give you what he can… You have suffered enough because of that and I'm-"

With two slender fingers pressed softly to full lips, Brittany silenced her insecurities "I won't let you say stupid things like that. Do you have any idea how much only you can give me, how much only you can take from me too? How only you can love me?"

"Britt-"

"No," Her tone exasperated by now "Don't be a coward, Santana; I was a coward when I didn't fight for you when I had to and you were too when you did nothing to have me but I'm here now, we are here and if I have to retain you against your will in this room, I'll do it!" Brittany's loud shaking voice floated around.

"I stopped being a fucking coward the night of the damn dinner thing and I managed to make you cry after the last time we-" She swallowed audibly "I practically forced you to have sex with me because I made you feel guilty!" And with that she left a stunned Brittany sitting there and managed again to make her cry.

_I can't quit now, this can't be right ..._

Santana shook the handle twice, banged her forehead on the door once, holding back her tears. She paced around a few seconds before slumping on the fluffy cushioned loveseat that was set on one side of the living room, dark reddish eyes staring blankly at no point in particular.

Brittany sniffled and cleared her blues with her palms a few times before making her way to her.

Looking down at the crushed woman, Brittany sat on her heels in the middle of her legs and stared at Santana for a minute, thinking how wrong her brunette was. She kneeled, placing pale hands on strong thighs and leaned closer to her face; Santana's temple was on her cheek, mingling fair and dark hair. Santana could hear and feel Brittany's steady breathing.

"It wasn't just sex, it could never be... I said I love you after the last time we made love that night," Brittany began murmuring and pressed her lips to a cute little ear, Santana exhaled and leaned her head into her a little more, feeling the warm skin and air "And I cried because I was overwhelmed. I felt you, Santana." Brittany kept whispering and Santana's eyelids felt heavier, closing halfway, revelling in the truthful words "I felt your heart, baby. I felt all of you, over me, inside of me, our love It was so unrestrained and powerful; the way you were touching me, making me feel everything that is you , everything you were feeling too," Brittany kissed the spot sweetly, hearing her release a deep sigh "No one, Santana... No one could ever make me feel the way you do... So loved, so alive, so complete."

And those so intimate declarations broke Santana's unfounded fears and stubbornness. She snaked her arms around Brittany's torso and pulled her even closer. The blonde complied instantly and straddled her, sharing more tears with her wife in the process. She encircled Britt's waist, snuggling into her chest and Brittany held onto shaking shoulders, surrounding them.

_I can't accept that we were estranged …_

They both cried silently, finding the much needed comfort in each other's embrace and after a while, they slowly but surely regained their strength and calmness.

"I'm sorry San, I really am," Brittany was the first one to speak now looking into her dark orbs.

The brunette nodded, caressing Brittany's face, tracing every line with wonderment "I shouldn't have left you like that. But I told you before; I can't take it back. I just need you to give me the chance to mend it, to make you forget all the pain I've caused you," Her voice quivered "I love you so much Santana, so so much and I can only hope for the days to come so I can show you."

"I'm sorry too, love. It is fair to say that we both have responsibility in this mess but I'm certain we'll make it through because I love you too, so so much." She smiled sheepishly.

The blonde pecked her nose lovingly "I know we need to work together to heal," She motioned between them with entwined fingers "But I have no doubt, because you feel this?" She placed her tan hand fully over her left breast, _her_ heart, inside the white shirt "Belongs to you... And this" Brittany pressed her palm over it, _my_ heart, feeling it beating through the purple material "Belongs to me. There's nothing more important than us."

Their foreheads pressed together "I want to kiss you," Santana said in a raspier than usual voice.

Brittany chuckled wholeheartedly "You've never asked before," She teased.

"I'm not asking. I'm merely informing; you were never able to deny them to me, though." Her smile growing in full light and Brittany leaned closer, ghosting her lips over full ones; Santana tilted her head up slightly and did as she told, languidly and without hesitation.

Reluctantly parting swollen lips, Brittany spoke again "We still have so much to talk about. I want to tell you so many things-" She stood up with her but Santana held onto one of her hands to prevent her steps.

Taking off her jeans with a little help from Brittany, Santana manoeuvred them, so they were now lying sideways on the comfy furniture, this time the brunette spooning the blonde lovingly, playing with her fingers "I know… but later." And for the first time in excruciating days and nights, they were able to sleep serenely.

_All I need is You and I …_


	13. You make Me feel

**Chapter 13**

**You make Me feel.**

_"Two broken ribs, a broken ankle, a dislocated shoulder we already put back in place and a lot of bruises and some scratches," A doctor explained in layman's terms to a very worried wife._

_Brittany was biting furiously on her bottom lip "But she's going to be ok, right? It's nothing serious?" She asked troubled, dressed in a skimpy set of shorts and a soaked shirt, barefoot._

_The tall man shook her head "It's nothing serious. It's painful though and she'll experience some discomfort due to the bandages, the cast and the brace and sling to immobilize her shoulder, but other than that, her scans are clear. She'll spend the night just to be sure," He gave Brittany a reassuring smile "The helmet made the difference, Mrs Lopez; your wife is a lucky woman."_

_The blonde exhaled as her eyes brimmed with tears "I am," She mumbled "Thank you so much, Dr. Rott. Can I see her now?"_

_The man nodded and guided her to the room._

_Brittany saw her, half sitting on the hospital bed; her right arm practically glued to her torso, some nasty bruises and cuts could be seen on her upper arm and part of her leg; her right foot covered in a cast and resting on a pillow. Her face, however the beaten body, was flawless as always._

_Santana was already dozing off when she registered her unique scent and fluttered open her heavy eyes._

_"Hey, Britt," She greeted in a raspy whisper. Brittany shook her head slightly and couldn't hold back the tears, already sitting beside her, with her head on her good shoulder "Baby, I'm ok, it's just a scratch... Well, scratches." She said lightly._

_The blonde snuffled and lifted her head to see her dark eyes, Santana washed away her tears with a thumb "I was so afraid, Santana. You have no idea, I thought-"_

_"Shh, I'm sorry love. I didn't mean to scare you," She pouted sincerely. Earlier that raining evening, Santana lost control of her motorcycle and skidded along the hard pavement._

_Brittany refused to let Santana ride such thing to begin with but after some discussion and a couple of nights of having a wilful Santana sleeping in the metaphorical couch that was the guest room, she unwillingly obliged. It went unspoken that Santana would return to her four wheels transportation after the incident._

_Brittany rested her forehead against hers and pecked a cold nose "I love you."_

_Santana smiled and stole a sweet healing kiss from her wife "I love you too."_

_There's no in-between …_

Ten hours of a much needed peaceful slumber, clutched together, both women were slowly feeling like themselves again.

A solid thud and then "Ow…"

"Oh my God! Britt," Santana said sliding down to the carpeted floor Brittany was currently laying in sideways, after gracefully falling when Santana pushed her while stretching her body in her almost awoken state "Baby, are you ok?" She asked laying next to her and cupping her face.

Brittany chuckled lightly "Yeah, I'm ok. It's kinda soft down here."

"Want me to kiss you better anyways?" Santana asked timidly.

The blonde didn't say anything and happily climbed on top of her, kissing her lazily.

First, it was Santana's and then the grumbling of Brittany's stomach that interrupted them, letting them know that some substantial food was required.

Both chuckling parted moist lips "We can order room service or do you want to go out?" Santana beat Brittany's question.

"Room service... I don't feel like going out yet. I'll go to my suite and shower and then I'll meet you here for breakfast or lunch, whatever the time is,"

_Won't second guess …_

"Ok, I'll order first and then we'll go get your things and bring them. You're staying here because there's no way on earth I'm letting you stay away from me, not anymore." The brunette declared with a couple of pecks to pink lips.

Brittany giggled "I thought I was the one locking you in,"

Another peck "We're stuck together Pierce."

"Lopez-Pierce please." The blonde proudly teased, making Santana beam and kiss her, this time deeply, parting her legs wider to accommodate the blonde better. Seconds transformed easily into minutes.

"I've missed this," Brittany murmured against her swollen lips, resuming the activities they were engaged in "I've missed you so much. You have no idea…"

Santana felt a moistening sensation on her cheeks and opened her eyes. Brittany was crying so softly and calmly, it made her shiver "I know love, I'm here now, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere, neither of us," She kissed away the few tiny beads of water.

Brittany cleared her throat "I'm sorry, I'm being silly," She said vulnerably.

"You can be silly with me, baby. As long as you're here, it doesn't matter, nothing else matters"

The blonde nodded "I promise." She sniffled.

"I promise too. I don't like to see you cry, you know. I'll have to kiss you better again," Santana stated in a sweet tone and achieved her gold; she made her smile again, as before, as always.

After more lazy ones, Brittany rested her head on her shoulder, against her neck. Santana closing her eyes as the warmth of her kept her body from floating.

"Babe?" Brittany asked.

Santana hummed in response "Hmm?"

"You'll have to actually call the front desk because I don't know what the hell I did with the card. I think I blocked the door." They both laughed wholeheartedly.

_And I want you to know …_

Light talk accompanied their generous lunch and after Brittany checked out and checked in with Santana's as Mrs. Lopez-Pierce, they decided to have a relaxing bath, taking advantage of the huge tub.

Brittany's back was pressed against Santana's front, while lazily gliding a washcloth on their arms and legs, occasionally her stomach and the underside and in between her breasts.

"I can't imagine how hard it was for you; all alone there after it."

The blonde's head resting back on a tanned shoulder "I felt so lost and numb, specially the first year... My mom was there with me some months, though"

Santana kissed her cheek "I know and I was so relieved. I mean, I had my dad and Quinn and everyone to pick me up. I couldn't help but worried thinking you didn't have that"

"Honestly, I don't know how I did it but my mom was who signed me up on Mike's dance studio to distract me and get me out of the apartment, at least for an hour or two," The washcloth glided along her collarbones.

"I refused to talk about you, about us." Brittany confessed.

"Why?"

The blonde sighed "It was too painful for me and I was aware of the hurt I've caused you and when-" She swallowed "When I came back and saw that woman there, I just- I just lost all hope I had left," She grabbed one of Santana's wandering hands and kissed a knuckle "I was so jealous and angry at you but at the same time I understood it was my fault and that I had pushed you to do what you did. I let you no way out" She exhaled.

With a kind hand on her cheek, Santana turned her head to face her, wanting those loving blue eyes to understand her words "It wasn't your fault, I chose to do that. I was too lost in my own misery I didn't think clearly and I blamed you for everything not once bothering to actually talk it with you,"

Brittany smiled sweetly "But still Santana, I was the one who left you and though I came back and won't let you go, it took me too long to accept the fact that I can't be without you, I'm not myself without you," Santana, of course, kissed her reassuringly.

"I'm part of you, as you're part of me." The brunette exhaled, wanting to halt the conversation for the moment; already intoxicated with the taste she adored and loved.

"It's getting cold babe..." The blonde whispered on her lips, feeling the familiar tingles on her being when a mocha hand unconsciously trailed down on her stomach.

Santana swallowed hard and saw how Brittany gracefully stepped out of the tub to dry herself, handing Santana a towel and a short terry cloth robe. The blonde looked at her through the reflection of the mirror and let the towel fall from her body.

_You fill me up with your love, I just overflow …_

When Santana stepped out of the bathroom, the heat of her body rose at the sight of Brittany sitting on the edge of the bed; her legs were slightly parted and her hands were tightly grabbing onto the edges of the mattress and unlike the terry cloth robed Santana, she was completely bare.

Her blue eyes piercing into dark ones with so much adoration and unrestricted want at the same time it was uncanny. Without a word and just to the sound of their even breathing, the brunette walked over to her, standing in between long toned legs.

Not breaking eye contact, Brittany lifted one hand and caressed Santana´s cheeks with her thumbs, mapping every inch of her beautiful face as if getting reacquainted with her chiselled features. Then, unhurriedly traced the hem of the robe; she reached for the loose knot on the front and untied it, slightly opening it, revealing the skin on Santana's front. She snaked her hands under the fabric and traced them up to her shoulders, passing swollen breasts dreamily. The robe fell at her feet and Brittany kept tracing the mocha skin under her fingertips. Santana's fingers were buried in blonde silkiness, lazily combing it and massaging the moist scalp.

_With every breath I'll love You, endlessly …_

Brittany pulled her from the waist, circling it with her strong arms and pressed the side of her face in between her breasts, closing her blues and inhaling deeply; Santana too, closed her dark eyes and smiled, almost timidly. A quiet minute later, the brunette felt hands tracing up and down her back, all the way to her rounded ass cheeks, squeezing softly. Brittany lifted her head and asked for a kiss without voice; Santana eagerly complied, swallowing a heavy sigh, their tongues softly grazing one another and the wet noises started.

Her hands trailed further down onto her tanned thighs, and Santana answered the request by straddling the blonde while their lips kept melting together. After long minutes of uninterrupted kisses, Brittany stood up easily carrying her, and Santana's legs trapped her waist, locking ankles on the small of her back; Brittany turned them and carefully placed the brunette on the mattress, making her moan at the pressure of the lithe woman's weight on top of her. The feeling was something Santana couldn't get enough of.

Their breathing more elaborated now and quiet moans accompanied their motions. Santana could feel her more than wet centre moistening Brittany's lower abdomen. Brittany lifted tanned toned arms above her head and Santana surrendered to her without hesitation, contentedly receiving warm, heady trails all over her face, all along her jaw, her neck, her collarbones. A warm mouth enveloped one dusky nipple first, to then the other one with the same gentle sucking noises and twirling tongue. The moans increased on both women, sweat making the expected appearance on recently bathed bodies.

_When we touch, I can't get enough …_

Sitting on her heels, in between tanned legs and locking eyes, Brittany gradually lifted one of Santana's legs and bent it closer to her taut stomach, granting her the desired view of the fleshed gem she longed to taste again and Santana whimpered with the way Brittany's eyes were craving for her.

"I'm hungry, baby…" Brittany rasped her thoughts without noticing she actually said it out loud, entranced with the woman before her, so willing and biting her bottom lip. Santana saw how her leg was placed again on the soft surface and Brittany's slow fingers caressed her wet folds ever so slowly; her breath itched when a wandering digit penetrated her, moving in and out of her one, two, three times.

"Britt," The whimpering and pants indicated the high level of arousal than only increased when Brittany lowered her body, placing Santana's legs on her shoulders and started ravenous licks all over and inside the brunette's folds, sucking harder on the stiffened flesh, feasting unabashedly.

"Brittany..."Santana braced herself with a hand thrown back to hold onto the headboard while her hips, with mind of its own, started to thrust up with every lick and tongue penetration. Slick, suction noises permeated the heady atmosphere; Santana witnessed every movement of her love, devouring her. Her heavy-lidded eyes rolled to the back of her head when two fingers thrusted inside of her again while a warm mouth did as pleased at the same time.

_I won't hold back, I'll give you everything …_

Lapping on the pouring juices, Brittany whimpered, feeling beyond aroused by doing something so intimate to the woman, her woman... High pitched moans started to escape pouty lips as Santana got closer to her orgasm. When Brittany effective fingers and skilled tongue guided her there, she came so hard it made her lose consciousness for a moment.

After drinking all of her liquid sex eagerly, Brittany trailed her wet lips all up her body again, with her fingers still inside Santana, she kissed her messily. Santana yet to come down from her high, felt Brittany's frame on top of her again and the slick from sweat body began to grind frantically in between her legs, searching for her own release, melting together their soaked cores so erotically.

Regaining her senses, Santana returned the kiss in equal fervour and pushed her body up to then sneak a hand in between them, searching for the blonde's heat. Not thinking twice when she found it, she dove two equally skilled digits and Brittany's jaw slacked, placing a hand on top of Santana's head to brace herself. The brunette saw the desperate look on her flushed face and increased the pace, savouring each moan, each whimper and the frantic movements of Brittany's hips against her hand.

_I'll give my heart, give my soul …_

"I love you... I love feeling you like this," She murmured to her ear and she was lost in that moment; lost with her wife. Blindly, Brittany's lips searched for her mouth and sloppy kisses started again before Santana felt and swallowed a loud moan when the blonde's body stiffened and came, trembling with the aftershocks.

Panting, Brittany buried her face on Santana's neck when she felt as Santana curled her fingers slightly again before taking them out from her dripping centre. Bracing herself up on her shaky elbows, still breathing with difficulty, she watched as Santana sucked on her fingers, moaning at the taste of her. With an unconscious single thrust of her hips, Brittany tasted herself on the glistening swollen lips, whimpering in the process. The blonde slumped on top of Santana with a contented sigh and with the remnant strength she rolled them so Santana was now on top of her, like many times before.

"I love you, I love you…" Brittany whispered.

Santana hummed burying her face in her neck "As I love you."

_All of me …_


	14. Don't explain by its name

**Chapter 14**

**Don't explain by its name.**

Skype was the way of communicating the good news to their families and it was so amusing to see them that happy... Quinn smugness was justified in the knowledge she had about everything that Brittany went through to finally find her wife and the certainty that Santana might put up a little fight only to give in to the blue eyes she adored the most. With a promise to visit given the first opportunity, they agreed to skype at least twice a week to keep in touch with everybody, mostly with baby girl Beth, who missed her aunties so dearly.

_We write Our words forever in the space …_

Santana was sitting against the headboard, reading on Brittany's Mac some work related things Karen had sent her that morning. The blonde was lying there, with her head on Santana's thigh, watching some stuff on the flat screen. A particular commercial made her remember something she wanted to do since she first came looking for her.

She sat and turned to face her wife, who was wearing her glasses; she tilted her head, examining her. Santana noticed the stare on her and smiled widely.

"What?"

"So serious,"

Santana chuckled "Bored is more likely,"

"Can I have your attention for a minute then?" Brittany asked timidly.

Placing the laptop aside, she patted her lap. Before Brittany happily obliged, she hopped off the bed and went to look for something on her purse. Santana's dark chocolate eyes followed her with curiosity.

Perching herself straddling the brunette, Brittany pecked the corner of her mouth and placed her arms around her neck "I want you to wear my ring again,"

"Britt, I- I'm sorry baby. I want that too but-" Santana began to explain, looking down.

This time, the blonde pecked her fully on the lips "I know you tossed it to the street one night. Quinn told me,"

Santana just nodded, not looking up "Yeah, 3 years after. I was still wearing it and that Monday was the first time I had received the divorce papers," She cleared her throat tightening the grip of her hands on Brittany's hips "I don't remember much but Noah followed me that night."

Brittany bumped her nose with hers, coaxing her to look up at her, her eyes apologetic "Yes and he found it," Santana frowned and opened her mouth to ask but Brittany kept talking "Quinn gave it to me at the airport and I want to put it on you again." She opened her hand in between them and produced the ring Santana thought missing.

It was an elegant white gold band with little diamonds and on the inside; the words I Love You, Brittany's name and date of birth were engraved. Santana was in awe and grinned so warmly, it made Brittany laugh softly.

"So, do you, Santana Lopez-Pierce, want to wear Brittany Lopez-Pierce's ring again?" The brunette eagerly accepted it and Brittany placed it on her finger, where it belonged.

"Here babe, I always kept it," She said placing another similar band on Santana's open left hand "You can put yours back on me." Brittany's smile was enough to replace words that could be spoken and the warm embrace she enveloped the brunette in did the rest.

_Turn me down to the ground …_

Brittany was looking down at the busy street from the big tinted window, standing near the cushioned space of the seat of it and with a little smile plastered on her face. She was with her arms crossed over her chest and playing idly with Santana's ring on her finger, thinking just how well everything was turning for them and how good the long talks with Santana were helping to rebuild their relationship and of course, on how their emotional and physical connection was only growing stronger.

The faint reflection of her naked silhouette brought her back to earth and soon Brittany felt a pair of arms sneaking over hers, uncrossing them with the purpose of untie the lose knot on the robe... After a long moment of just standing there, holding her, Brittany closed her eyes and let Santana mutely guide their actions. The brunette racked her fingers over taut stomach, inside the newly opened robe, making the muscles there twitch. She trailed her hands up, consciously avoiding the sensitive flesh of her pale breasts, and with slow delicacy, disrobed the more than willing woman.

Brittany opened her eyes and caught her darker gaze over the reflection. She saw as Santana placed a few open mouthed kisses to her shoulder and circled her waist, pressing her front on her back, pushing her hips forward in a suggestive manner, grinding herself on the blonde's ass. Santana established a very slow rhythm, guiding Brittany's hips into her with a hand flat on her stomach while the other took her time fondling her breasts and pinkish hard buds. Words were yet to be spoken; just their heavy breathing could be distinguished.

_I like to feel the coolness on my face …_

When she was satisfied with the increasing arousal of the blonde, Santana's hand trailed down to cup her sex shamelessly, earning a deep moan from within Brittany. She placed her other hand on her back, in between her shoulder blades and pushed a little, bending her and with her leg, she parted the strong limbs of the blonde.

Brittany felt and heard a hoarse murmur from behind her "Kneel on the seat baby," She did as told without hesitation and positioned herself as Santana wanted her.

The anticipation was getting the best of her and whimpered when she felt Santana's weight half on top of her, her full breasts pressed against her back, bending her further and making Brittany support them with her arms lower on the glass.

She could feel and hear Santana's warm breathing over the side of her face and the little moans that escaped her when Brittany pushed her hips back, feeling her own wetness and the moist that was Santana on her butt.

She was so exposed and it felt so raw and primal to let Santana take her like that; but the basic need she could feel from the brunette was too much to resist and it only fuelled her own craving.

_Lie me down, Show me how …_

Santana regained her standing position behind Brittany in between her kneeled legs. She ran her hands all over a sweaty back, massaging her shoulders while Brittany was offering herself and everything she had to her wife. Santana kept thrusting her hips into the blonde and with each motion, Brittany met her halfway. Santana right arm had her tightly from the waist and leaned over Brittany again only to whisper into her ear.

"You are my love." She stated lost in a haze at the whimpers and moans from the blonde when the tip of her tongue caressed her flushed neck.

Then, she devilishly trailed her left hand down, all over the blonde's buttocks to then felt up her soaked folds from behind, up and down a few times to finally entering her with her middle finger, creating a loud suction noise due to the amount of liquid heat from Brittany's core.

"Santana... Oh, Santana," Brittany chanted, pressing her forehead on one of her arms supporting them while her hips kept on with the primal volition, now against Santana's hand.

_I don't speak, I listen to the breathing …_

Santana increased the pace of her hand, with two fingers sliding in and out of her whimpering wife. She groaned loudly when she heard a high-pitched moan of an almost desperate Brittany, the slippery noises increasing with the scissoring of her fingers claiming her.

Scooting her forward, Santana was able to kneel behind Brittany, inserting another digit; Santana was arched above Brittany, with her forehead pressed in between her shoulder blades, watching everything so clearly in the bright day light and biting her bottom lip.

One of Brittany's hands flew backwards and held onto Santana's thigh, not losing the frantic rhythm of her hips, rotating them from time to time to enhanced the sensations. The blonde was on the verge of combustion and with the curling of her fingers, Santana drove her directly to the edge with a half scream of her name. She felt as multiple waves consumed her, making her bluest eyes roll back into her head and her body stiffened, her inner muscles clenching Santana's fingers uncontrollably.

That feeling alone made Santana lose her own ground with an almost shriek and she soared through her high without Brittany touching her.

After what it seemed like an eternity to the covered in sweat women, Brittany slumped back against Santana and the brunette strength exerted to hold them, Brittany practically sitting on her thighs, sticky and slick.

The blonde's head fell on her tanned shoulder, feeling like a rag doll; pressing her temple to a sweaty cheek, she registered a breathless kiss there and she saw Santana's and hers sated expressions clearly reflecting on the glass.

_I often think I hear my fate …_

To everyone around them, they were the happy newlyweds judging by the amount of time they spent those days together again inside the suite, sporadically going out for lunch or dinner. Some days consisted in the long chats they agreed to have about the past five years and others, well... It was another kind of activity; there'll be enough time to explore around later.

Brittany was ordering coffee for the both of them and while she waited, she was engaged in an animated small talk with an older lady who recognized her from one of her plays.

In the meantime, Santana was observing her every move, taking in everything that was Brittany; from the way her lips parted to produce the words, the smile that never left her face, to the hand gestures she was making. She was so deeply in love with the woman, it was inexplicable. The brunette felt proud and a warm feeling of intimacy invaded her.

Brittany caught her dark eyes and the way Santana was admiring her made her blush because she knew what the brunette was thinking and remembering... There was no doubt about who she belonged to; Brittany felt so hers like never before.

"Karen Jameson."

Santana chuckled lightly, earning a playful slap on her shoulder as they were walking back to the Conrad, hand in hand "It took you long enough. What about her?"

"Well, is she your- was she, you know, something more while we were separated?"

"No, what happened in high school stayed there. She's very much committed to her partner, she met her here and I think she works at the firm," Santana answered without a trace of hesitation on her.

Brittany nodded "Oh, ok. And she was the one to offer the job?"

The brunette explained, a little shy "Our companies have been working together for a while now and she thought it was convenient if I came here as a consultant on the franchise management department. In the next 8 months it will be my responsibility to have it up and running."

"I'll tell you the truth, I was preparing myself for some serious face-off," Brittany chuckled and revealed.

She tried to keep walking but Santana tugged at her hand and pulled Brittany into her "Well, then I'm glad the only face-off you needed to have was with me and that turned out pretty good, don't you think?"

Brittany hummed and before she could articulate something, Santana's full, soft lips were on her, languidly enjoying the taste.

_Now don't lose sleep 'cause I won't dream of leaving …_

A week after Santana started at the firm and before they moved into the flat that was going to be their home for the next months they had a heated discussion about the blonde's Production Company and how she was going to manage been away. Santana didn't want her to drop everything that had cost her so much but _"I know what I'm doing with it, I'll fly to New York when I have to, not sooner, not later... Unless you don't want me here"_ and with that Santana had no valid arguments but a lot of makeup kisses to give.

Already on the second month of their renewed life, they were out enjoying a traditional Irish meal at a boxty house in the heart of Temple Bar, and it crossed Brittany's mind to ask about something she'd been avoiding to question her wife with but that she wanted to for a while now. Why? She didn't know, let alone understand.

She cleared her throat and sipped on her wine "San, there's something I've been meaning to ask you but if you don't want to, you don't have to answer,"

"Sure love. What do you want to know?" Santana agreed, discreetly wiping the corner of her mouth with the napkin.

"That woman on our couch, who was she?" She questioned evenly.

Santana wasn't expecting that because when she asked Brittany if there was someone else besides John, she confirmed what she already knew: there was no one. She knew it was dangerous to ask and it was pointless but she did it anyways. Only when she offered to answer the same for Brittany, she didn't want to know, at least not at that moment.

"You mean the one when you came back home for me?"

The blonde raised an eyebrow but remained calm "How many were, then?"

Santana shifted in her seat, sipping her own wine. She placed the glass on the table and reached for Brittany's hand, earning a timid smile from the blonde "I'll tell you, honest... But you have to understand that none of them meant a thing for me; I can't even remember names and it is so horrid of me to say this but it is what it is. I fucked around because I needed to stop thinking. It's not an excuse but most of the times, if not all, I was drunk out of my mind," She frowned, disgusted with herself but wanted to say it before she couldn't "I wanted to hurt you, Brittany but didn't know how, didn't know if I could even bring myself to do so." She confessed seriously while the blonde listened intently "The funny thing is that I couldn't stop thinking about you and wanting to hurt you I hurt myself even worse and when I hit rock bottom, I was afraid. My mind was in a dark place and I just stopped," Santana swallowed a growing lump in her throat and Brittany caressed the back of her hand with a thumb "I knew you deserved better."

Brittany heavily sighed "Ok, babe, its ok. Say no more" The blonde voiced genuinely convinced and for her, it was enough.

Santana nodded and the smile returned to her ashamed self when Brittany kissed the back of her hand tenderly.

_I lie awake and face the night,_

_I lie awake and dream of You …_

The heavy talk was stored and forgotten. But one particular day and circumstance set Brittany on unfamiliar grounds and the possessiveness in her being appeared without warning.

Crudely, she just needed to claim what was hers.

"She was not all over me," Santana quietly defended, walking behind Brittany after a tense lunch with an overfriendly colleague.

The blonde slowed her steps "She was, Santana"

Santana rolled her eyes "So? Don't you trust me?"

"I do." Was all the blonde answered.

"Fine..."

"Ok."

"Britt... Brittany"

Nothing.

Santana raised an eyebrow and grabbed a reluctant hand to guide into the elevator of their building. Brittany was extremely quiet but the faint blush on her cheeks said more than her nonexistent words. The brunette stood in front of her and on her tiptoes, Santana placed a lingering kiss to her lips, wanting to reassure her... What? She didn't know yet. Blue eyes just stared at her.

Like a puppy, she followed Santana and when the door was open, she practically pushed her inside their flat. The blonde turned Santana around forcefully by the waist and kissed her hungrily, swallowing the screech of surprise Santana let out. Brittany backed the brunette against the door with a dull thud, pressing her whole body into her.

The brunette's only reaction was to kiss her back and threw her arms around her neck. Next thing she felt, was her body been lifted easily and placed on the table that was set at the receiver, dropping some things in the process of spreading her legs. Brittany's hands roughly hiked her skirt, bunching the soft fabric around her waist and with one swift motion, she snapped the waistband of Santana's thong that she saw her wife put on earlier after their shower...

_We've found another who meets the same …_

Brittany's lips were demanding and her tongue relentless making Santana moan and buck her hips unconsciously. When the blonde registered the provocative movements, she pulled Santana towards her with her hands on the small of her back.

Whimpering when the delicate fabric of Brittany's slacks pressed into her exposed core, Santana had to brace herself with a hand tightly on the edge of the table while half of her ass was in the air. Growing frenetic, the buttons of Santana's blouse flew everywhere along with the front clasp of her push-up bra. Satisfied with her actions, Brittany's mouth feasted on the tender flesh of her full breasts and Santana's other hand held onto Brittany's neck while her own head snapped backwards when, without warning, Brittany claimed her with two unrelenting fingers; her legs trembling around her.

Santana was a whimpering, moaning mess and Brittany was panting heavily, she released a dusky glistening nipple when her jaw grew slack at the feeling of her wife wetness on her skilled fingers. The solid banging of the table against the wall was indication of the frantic movements consuming them.

Out of breath and with unfocused eyes, Santana cupped Brittany's face and forcefully snapped her out of her trance to kiss her messily. The hand on the small of her back increased the pressure while the other sliding in and out of her was lost in a primal rhythm with Brittany arched against her.

Santana bit her wife's bottom lip and finished with a loud muffled moan but Brittany kept her mouth captive and stilled her motions for a moment only to resume them when Santana's trembling diminished.

"Brittany..." Was all Santana panted out before her lips captured hers and she came again, over sensitive from the heady exchange.

With closed eyes, and propped on one elbow, Santana felt Brittany's lips leaving hers and nested her head in between the valley of her ample breasts, both breathing erratically; the brunette lovingly caressing the top of the blonde's head, tucked under her chin.

Slowly, they slid to the hardwood floor and Santana suppressed a moan when the fingers left her core. Brittany was laying sideways, her head resting on the upper part of her extended arm while her other one was securely around her wife's waist, pulling her closer.

She fell asleep there and Santana could just contemplate the peaceful beauty that was her love, marveled with the way only she could make her feel. She ran her hand through her hair, feeling the silkiness of her blonde strands in between her tanned fingers. Santana did this for a few more minutes before snuggling against Brittany, tightly entangled with her on the floor by the entrance.

_So, is it any wonder that You made it here?_


	15. Right here, right here with me

**Chapter 15**

**Right here, right here with Me.**

_Hannah Lopez was sitting on the front steps of the porch; watching her family contently. Earlier that week, Alejandro had brought home a puppy for their daughter and, along with Richard and Brittany Pierce; they were trying unsuccessfully to teach him tricks._

_"You're pretty," A six year old Brittany told Hannah, her best friend's mommy, after giving her a warm hug and a sloppy kiss on the cheek._

_The blonde woman smiled broadly "Why, thank you baby blue,"_

_"Tanie is pretty too but she don't look like you." The little girl told her innocently._

_Hannah chuckled and nodded "Well, she doesn't look like me because she looks like her daddy. See?" She pointed to her husband and daughter whom were busy with Baxter._

_The little girl studied them for a bit "I like them skin colour, it's very pretty."_

_"Of course it is," She took a little hand into hers "It's different but we're all the same. We all have hands, fingers" Hannah tickled the palm of Brittany's hand, making her giggle "Nose" She softly bumped the girl's nose with hers "Cheeks" Hannah pinched her cheeks playfully; Brittany was laughing by then and Hannah hugged her tightly, kissing the top of her head._

_"We missed you, Britt-Britt... Did you enjoy the visit to your grandparents?"_

_The girl nodded eagerly with bright blue eyes, perched on Hannah's knee "But I miss Tanie, a lot," She declared and her little arms opened wide to make her point._

_"Aw, I know and she missed you a lot too. She loves you very, very much. We all do,"_

_Brittany smiled and her blues lit up "I love you too, Tanie even more."_

_Hannah chuckled and kissed the tip of her nose "Ok, baby blue. Then promise you'll always take care of her?" The woman held a finger for the girl, who immediately understood._

_"Pinkie promise!" Brittany bashfully accepted and without knowing, Hannah would later find comfort in the knowledge Santana was going to be just fine, no matter what._

_A lot of bridges I shouldn't be so scared to burn …_

Eight months of a new life in a new place, renewed kisses and caresses, two mended hearts and some discussions here and there were their second beginning. Brittany and Santana spent every possible moment together; the brunette immersed on the task at hand with the firm and the blonde managed to teach a few classes at the Irish Dance Centre for five months; and after some serious thinking, Santana politely declined to sign a permanent contract. Her work was complete and successfully up and running.

Leaving Dublin wasn't as easy as they thought it would be; the place already held so many memories for them, starting with that night, when they finally were reunited. That's the reason why they stayed another month to know the country and even a few more places over Britain before going back home.

Brittany still collaborated with Mike on occasions but the company was all his now... Instead, she kept teaching at Ohio Arts Centre and Santana continued her work with the family. Life is not always easy, but one can manage if really trying to look further.

_If I could lose the worst of Me, hold on to what remains …_

Happily established on their home again, Santana was coming back from her early run; her habit was to use the kitchen's back door to get inside the house and like every mornings, she found her wife there, only this time she was busy preparing some icing. Santana smiled when she saw the concentration on her delicate features and with a hand on her cheek, she kindly turned her head to find her blues.

"Mmm, you taste sweeter," The brunette hummed against pink lips and deepen the kiss when the blonde granted her entrance.

After a few seconds, Brittany licked her lips, slightly out of breath "And you're salty." she playfully countered while Santana was already grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.

Santana giggled, placing a peck to her lips and left the kitchen to sit on the steps of the stairs. She took off the armband with her iPod and then proceeded to take off her trainers and socks when she heard faint steps approaching her and saw her wife standing in front of her, wearing one of her ever present button down shirts and girl boxers.

Brittany smiled down at Santana and kneeled in between tanned legs, taking her damped tank top off, leaving her in sports bra and running shorts.

"Britt… I'm all sweaty," The brunette chuckled in between playful nips.

"So? We've been sweatier before." Brittany grinned mischievously and nuzzled her neck only to kiss her deeply next.

Brittany pulled her into a standing position and turned them around to lie down on the wooden floor, next to the stairs. It was no secret for them that Brittany loved to feel Santana's weight on top of her; she loved the way they fitted together, like two very different puzzle pieces and Santana too, loved to nest there, in between ivory skin.

Lazily kissing, the brunette was supporting her upper body on her elbows, caressing the sides of Brittany's face.

"Happy birthday baby." The blonde said after parting lips with a resonating pop.

Santana smiled slyly, out of breath "I thought you already gave me my morning gift…"

"As if it's enough for you," Brittany rolled her eyes and teasingly bit Santana's bottom lip.

"I blame you, you know?" She countered pressing her hips into her. They locked eyes for a moment "I love you, Britt." Santana spoke again.

"As I love you," Brittany answered "And I wish I could give you now the present I know you'd like the most" She said evenly, referring to their earlier attempt to conceive via in vitro fertilization.

"It doesn't matter love. Right now, you here with me, it's the best gift ever"

_'Cause I love the way I am with you …_

"32 is old… You're old," Quinn teased Santana, who was watching how Beth had all the men in their family wrapped around her little fingers. Her dad, Richard, Noah and Russell gave her their unwavering attention and she only could hope. Holly and Susan were watching the scene from the other side of a table.

"I'm just going to remind you you're 31; it's just one year difference."

"Sure granny,"

Santana rolled her eyes "Whatever… I thought you were going to drop by earlier,"

"Oh, I did and you were extremely busy," Quinn answered chewing on a generous slice of delicious cake.

"Of course not, I was just making San's cake."

Quinn nodded "Yeah, I saw the abandoned ingredients and thank God I only saw the entanglement of legs and some scattered clothes," Brittany's blood rushed to her cheeks and Santana cleared her throat.

"What happened to the kitchen's hallway door, anyway? It's been months," Quinn questioned and both women remained silent, though with some smugness "Never mind…" She giggled knowingly.

"Cake… More cake?" Brittany asked, trying to divert the attention on the subject. The door was a casualty when they first moved back and reacquainted with the furniture… and all available surface they could find on their home.

"I always thought of you as a top Britt," Quinn said casually making the blonde flush even more profusely while Santana tried to contain a chuckle, earning a soft elbow on her ribs "Don't get me starting on your loud noises, birthday girl… Oh, I'll have more cake" Hazel eyes finally gave them a break and Quinn hastily ran inside for another slice.

It was just a barbecue on the back yard of their house, just the family shared the moment with the women and Santana couldn't be happier for that.

_All I need to know is You change in Me …_

That evening, after she opened all of her gifts, everyone said goodbye and drove off, leaving a content Santana, holding onto her wife. Brittany sat with her on the cushioned swing on the back yard and went inside the house for a bit.

Santana saw her with curious dark eyes, returning with a package on her hands.

"This is from me. Beth helped me with the wrapping," Brittany giggled and handed her the small box that had her hands and Beth's printed in messy paint. It was adorable.

Santana pecked her lips as a silent thank you and carefully opened it, not wanting to discard the paper with the beloved prints. The blonde was watching her every expression intently, storing everything into her memory and treasuring the moment.

Her jaw dropped and her breath itched; with shaky hands, Santana grabbed the pair of tiny purple chucks that were inside the box and felt tears filling her eyes.

"You are?" She asked in amazement, looking into the bluest eyes she knew.

Brittany's smile could lit an entire night and nodded with tears of her own "I am. We are." She confirmed.

Santana traced the little laces on the purple material and looked up again "Britt, I- It worked, it worked!" The brunette cried and hugged her wife, showering her with kisses.

The blonde sniffled "Dr. Rott called me this afternoon with the results. I wanted to surprise you, I couldn't wait so I took the tests earlier,"

"Oh my God. Thank you… I love you, I love you."

It was sad when they knew it would be too risky and dangerous for Santana and the baby if she was the one to get pregnant, so Brittany decided to try again, only this time they used Santana's egg and a donor from Susan's family; luckily someone who resembled a lot to Brittany.

"Happy Birthday my love." The ecstatic blonde woman repeated, trapping full lips between hers.

_And turn into the one last missing piece …_

Baby boy Alexander Lopez-Pierce came to the world one night after 12 hours of labour. Santana was all the way with her wife after nearly passing out when Brittany's water broke… Everyone waited for his arrival at the hospital, including a five months old pregnant Quinn with who would later be baby girl Charlotte.

The first thing Santana noticed about their son was the full set of black fuzzy hair and the chubby fists, holding onto his mother index finger when the nurse placed him on Brittany's chest. Their world only got better. Nearly three months later, he started smiling and spent his time discovering the wonderments of life along with his mothers.

Santana came home exhausted, but like always, her family was first, so she cradled her baby boy in her arms after a quick shower and talked and played with him; sitting on their bed, with her knees up for him to support his back and head, his butt on her tummy. As her voice filled his tiny ears, he chewed on a chubby fist, staring intently at the movements of her lips, from time to time trying to reach them with uncoordinated movements.

As most nights, Brittany found them peacefully sleeping, their boy snuggled on her chest. She carefully lifted him and rocked him a little, cooing into his warm cheek; she entered his nursery and placed him gingerly on his crib to then return to her wife and hold onto her big baby.

Like clockwork, before midnight, the boy would wake up to be fed; something Santana had taken to do herself with a bottle but this one time, Brittany sneaked and breastfed him.

Alex was holding with his tiny fingers onto her mother's hand that was on his little chest. Brittany was standing by the nursery window after he ate eagerly.

"I know you missed her tonight but she was really tired… I promise she'll feed you tomorrow, ok?" She told him in soft murmur. His dark eyes wide awake and Brittany examined his very long eyelashes and the peach-like fuzz of his tiny brows. The shape of his eyes was like Brittany's and it was the only thing because everything else was Santana and she loved him even more for that.

The darling boy stared and listened to every word as if understanding what was been spoken to him.

"Do you want me to tell you when I realized I was in love with your mami?" Brittany asked and chuckled when her boy gurgled faintly "Ok well, I made her go with me to my junior prom. She was so nervous" She played with the tiny fingers on her hand "because I asked her to dance with me and she didn't know where to place her hands, so I grabbed them and placed them on my waist as the song began to play," Brittany looked out the window, remembering vividly that moment.

"She looked so, so beautiful and I just wanted to kiss her and hold her but I knew I had to wait for her…" Alex stopped his movements and his dark eyes locked with his mother's blue ones when she began to sing him the song they had danced that night _"I know I'm not smart, but still I'm trying hard… Let me be your guard, protecting you, my angel, from the dark…_"

Brittany closed her eyes when she felt a pair of arms encircling her waist and soft whispers to her ear. The baby boy in her arms had his mouth open; studying his mothers' loving exchange _"Let me sleep in your arms… Let me breathe this clean bright light surrounding you… Let me dream in your arms"_ Santana finished with a tender kiss to her cheek and a kiss to her son's head.

_And help me be the most that I can be ..._

"I knew you were in love with me too, That night,"

"How?" Santana asked amused with a kiss to her shoulder and a smile to their now sleeping baby. Brittany carried him to his crib and pulled a blanket over his small frame, kissing his forehead goodnight. Santana did the same and walked them back to their bedroom and Brittany guided the brunette on top of her. She traced all of her features, starting with her lips, then her nose, under her eyes, her jaw, the thick hair of her defined eyebrows, to just under her earlobe.

"When we were dancing, I placed my hand over your heart, like this" She mirrored the action under the soft cotton of her tank top "and I felt it, beating so fast, it made mine beat faster. You didn't kiss me but I knew you were dying to do it," Like her boy, Santana kept staring at her, clinging to her every word "You placed your forehead against mine, ever so carefully and your hands lowered and grabbed my hips tighter… We were breathing the same air and it made me tingle, just like you were."

Santana leaned down a little and connected their lips in a languid kiss "You see? You were always smarter and for that, I love you even more… Will you think about me every now and then?" She asked quietly, basking in the deep intimacy shared with her love.

"Always." Brittany simply answered before kissing her, over and over again through the stillness of the clear, starry night.

_This was all We need to know ..._


	16. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

**Little man, little one.**

_The moon is milk and the sky where it's spilt …_

"Stop fussing, Alex." The striking woman chastised softly.

A four year old boy sat down immediately on his hot wheels bed and pouted, crossing his little arms across his bare chest.

Santana kneeled before her son, looking into her own reflection "Don't you want to look handsome to meet her?" She asked.

The little boy shook his head. The gorgeous Latina ran a soothing hand through his raven hair, combing the short silky locks "Do you want to go just in this batman underwear and socks? It's a little chilly but if you want to..."

"No silly mami, I can't go in just Batm'n undies," He countered, taking the wandering hand off of his hair, lacing his small tanned fingers with it.

Santana sensed the distress of her boy; he rarely looked down and hesitate.

He was always the smiling and happy baby, since he started to develop his personality it was obvious the thrift he was carrying in his veins; he was very confident and stubborn but had an undeniable sweetness and kind heart with the most powerful healing kisses.

_Time enough for all the fears …_

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" Alexander nodded to his mother's gentle question "Then, what is it, baby. What's troubling this pretty head of yours?"

Santana sat on the bed and her darling boy immediately found solace on her lap. She naturally wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly against her chest. Alex snuggled into her; taking in one of the distinct scents he loved about his mommies _"You smell like cuddles and kisses"_ He liked to say every time he was sweetly sandwiched in between his mommies' caresses.

"Alex?" She asked again "What's wrong, baby?"

The brunette child sniffed a little more before voice his concern "It's a girl."

Santana furrowed her brows, trying to understand the words. She created a little space between them and lifted his face with her index finger "What do you mean, baby?"

Pouting, his dark eyes watered "You gonna love her more. I'm a boy, you're all girls…"

"Oh, Alex…" Santana hugged him tightly again. After a while, she looked down at him, now Alex with wet cheeks.

_Time enough for being braver …_

She washed away his tears with her fingers, smiling at the boy while doing so "That's not true, baby. We love you both very very much and the same very very much. And you know why?" She asked with an emphatic kiss to his nose.

"No."

"Because you're both our miracles and you, my little man, are our first one and now you have an important job to do," Santana spoke to him in the most caring voice she could muster.

Alexander nodded, slowly regaining his normal happy self "Si, I'm a big brother now. I'm gonna do what I say when she was in mommy's tummy."

"That's right. You're going to be awesome, baby. You remember the most important task we _said_ you'd have?"

He looked up to the stars and clouds painted ceiling, trying to find the correct answer. He pondered for a few seconds before a big smile grazed his pouting lips when he found the exact memory "I hafta make sure she doesn't star dating til' she's old, like fofty... Mami, what's dating?" He asked innocently.

Santana laughed out loud at the endearing sight that was her puzzled son "Something you need to not worry about for a long while, ok? Now let's get you dressed and after meeting your baby sister we can go for ice cream with Beth and Charile."

Her child beamed and showered her with sloppy kisses before climbing down her legs to find his best baby blue shirt, cute dark denim overalls and his favourite chicken yellow chucks.

_Wake up in the dream, it's not as hard as it seems …_

Teddy bear in one hand and a handsome little guy holding tightly to her other one, Santana walked proudly through the stark white halls of the clinic. She slowly opened the door of their room and quietly made her way towards her exhausted but stunning wife.

Brittany removed her blues from the sleeping baby bundled up in her arms and smiled widely at the sight of her two walking loves.

Sharing a knowing look with Santana, the blonde called for her son, beckoning him to come closer when he was securely perched to his mami's leg.

"Here he is, the little man of the hour!" Brittany spoke happily. Alex proudly grinned and immediately went to her. With a lift from his brunette, he sat next to his blonde, marveled with the view of his pinkish coloured sister.

"Hello," He whispered to the baby "She's tiny…" Alex directed at his mamma, while Santana stole a loving kiss from her lips.

Brittany nodded with a faint blush only her wife could cause and looked at their boy "She's brand new, just like you were; only you were bigger and chubbier and you kicked inside my tummy a lot when your mami sang to you," She pinched his nose making him giggle "Meet your little sister, big brother." She said softly, kissing the top of his raven hair.

Alex carefully leaned in and nuzzled the baby girl's cheek, smelling her, just like he adored doing with his mothers. Then, he gave her a wet kiss on her tiny nose and wrinkled forehead.

_Who needs the shadows of a winter sun?_

"What's my little sister name?" He asked, not taking his eyes from the black haired baby.

Santana locked eyes with Brittany, sharing the ever silent conversation only they could have "Well, you tell us, what name did you like the most?" The brunette asked, kissing her wife's hand, while memories of lazy evenings with hers and her son's ear pressed to Brittany's stomach floated through her mind.

"Abby, but that's not the name. I don't remember,"

Brittany grazed his rounded cheek "Abby its short for Abigail." She explained lovingly.

"Does she look like an Abby to you?" Santana's soothing voice asked the boy.

Alex examined the baby, taking in her soft features "Si, she looks like Abigail Lopez-Piece," Both women beamed at their darling son's wording "And she smells like one too" He added.

They shared a chuckled and Santana asked for the both of them "How is that, little man?"

"Like cuddles and kisses." Alexander answered without missing a beat, totally smitten and in awe with the newborn member of his loving family.

_Would it stop us now, My love? …_

Growing up, the only physical difference between the two Lopez-Pierce children was the colour of their eyes. Alexander had the deep, mysterious dark of his mami and Abigail the deep loving blues of her mamma.

And much to Santana's complaint, the both of them had the charm and sweetness of her Brittany, and hence, she was wrapped around their fingers.

So, how can you stand against something like that? Well, it's actually kind of simple...

You don't.

_Is magic and we all need to believe ..._


End file.
